A
female
age
36-40,
*emonyliz
writes:A few times in the last 2 weeks I have invited the guy I have been dating (for a month) to come out to dinner with my friends and myself. We have done dinner with his friends a few times and are on friendly terms and while he has met a few of my friends it's generally been in passing so he hasn't gotten to know any of them and vice versa. Each time i invite him out, he says he wants to meet them etc. and that he will try and make dinner. Then either right before dinner or sometimes after dinner has already started, he will text me and say he can't come. Whenever I confront him he apologizes and blames work etc. which I understand but it's getting to the point where my friends have a negative opinion of him based on the fact that he always cancels at the last minute and sometimes doesn't even bother calling until he is already very late. It's unlike how he acts the rest of the time which is very attentive, reliable, etc. and I'm starting to think he is just afraid/nervous about meeting my friends... What can I do to get to the bottom of this, make him feel comfortable around my friends and keep my friends from going into meeting him with this negative bias that he has set up?
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female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (26 February 2011):
 I'd try it one last time letting your boyfriend choose the time and place. Maybe he is afraid of meeting them or maybe he was broke the last times and embarrassed to tell you. Most guys are more comfotable hanging out with their own friends. It's also possible that even though he likes, you the idea of hanging out with just you and 5-6 other girls is not his idea of a fun evening. Were any other guys invited to this meet and greet? If not try to include some next time.Ask your friends to be nice to him when he gets there, and ask them not to say anything about the times he canceled last minute.But if he fails to show again, I think then you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend and get to the bottom of it. There is one type of guy out there that wants his girl to spend all her time with him and his friends but never wants to return the favor. This guy is very selfish and more concerned about his own needs then yours. If that's the case you may have to dump him.
A
female
reader, StephJayne  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 Personally, something like this has never happened to me, so I can try and help you as much as I can.What I would do, is talk to him. A relationship won't get anywhere if you both don't communicate with each other. Talk to him and say that if anything is bothering him, i.e, he is nervous/afraid to meet your friends etc... then he should talk to you so that you can help him with it.If it's because of his work, then that is fair enough.. But if he uses his work as an excuse all the time, then it may be time to ask him what the real problem is. But yet again, that can depend on the type of work he is doing. Maybe, instead of inviting him to come out with a group of your friends, try one or two of your friends at a time? Or even, ask him to invite one of his mates, and you invite one of your own? That may make him feel more relaxed, especially that you both haven't been dating for a very long time.Soo.. basically what I have just gone on and on about is... Ask him if he is feeling comfortable about meeting your friends? Sit him down, and have a long discussion about it. Tell him that you don't know why he keeps canceling and ask him if it would be better for him to invite some of his friends to the dinner as well as some of yours. The best thing to do in my opinion, is to just talk to him.. It'll make you feel better, and he will feel better after getting his worried off his chest :)I hope that helped!
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