A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and am madly in love with him, an we also live together. However, recently i have gone thru some texts on his phone when i noticed he was texting "friends" a lot. Now, by friends, i am meaning girls. Most of his friends are girls. Some of the texts are to one girl in particular and are of a sexual nature and talk about hooking up in the past (before us) and about tryin to hook up now. Other texts are to an old booty call and he talks about missing her...and also taljs about the nite they hooked up (before us)....and oher texts are to his baby mamma when he is drunk where he says he still loves her or where he says things like "what we could have been, what we should have been"....and when I have asked about the sexual ones i caught him sending one nite he got defensive and said they were harmless and he got mad when i said i didnt like it and when confronted about the baby mamma texts, he blames it on being drunk. So I say there is an issue here with his fidelity, feelings and respect of me and will deal with it accordingly, but I would like others opinions on drunk texting, and the texting of "friends" and how to confront him witjout him knowing i went thru his phone.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): The address book on your partners phone is his Little Black Book. If he cant grow up and forget about his past sexual partners....and leave them alone, then you need to leave him or you will always be miserable. Hes caught in a loop of "what might have beens" and massaging his small ego by reminding the women about sexual things and asking for repeats. Its flattering him when they respond, so i doubt he will want to give it up. Most probably they laugh at the sad old thing and only answer out of politeness. But its still pretty uncool having a partner with these problems. Hes not really "in the moment" with you. If you dont want to upset him by confronting him then just make your excuses and leave.
And dont be tempted to become another number on his phone for another unfortunate woman to deal with after you leave x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Dont confront him. Leave,and when he asks you why,tell him why. Do not let him guilt trip u or tell u shit about lookin thru his phone. People who do that are trying to worm their way out of it and have had much practice. He's unfaithful. End of story.
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A
female
reader, julie mountain mad  +, writes (23 March 2010):
ive had the same problem recently and still off work because of it... i actually ended my relationship because of it. It was the best thing i could have done as my partner has now at last noticed how close he was to losing me. You need to tell him you have been looking at his phone - he then cannot lie to you anymore. Be honest with him and you are well within your rights to give him 2 choices - stop the texting or its over. you have to do this for your own sanity. its best you do it now otherwise you could be completly wasting your time.
i still find it hard to deal with my partners texting to close friends even though i have met them and i know theres nothing going on. i cant help being jealous and i struggle with insecurites at times. its really hard but in my eyes dealing with the constant pain of his texting - i would rather be single and free of this... julie x
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