A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine is in a toxic relationship that has been going on for a year and a half. But she won't end it with him for good. Earlier in the year he hit her multiple times and I begged her to stop seeing him. She did break up with him and went out with another boy to get over him. But she still talked to him every day. Eventually I found out that he had been visiting her every week and they would fool around together. He has a crazy amount of control over her and it scares me. They ended up getting back together even though I tried so hard to show her how he was ruining her life, she won't listen. He makes her feel awful about herself. She is always crying about something he said. They constantly have to be texting, if she doesn't respond he will freak out and if her phone dies she has panic attacks. He brings up the time she broke up with him to guilt trip her and he admitted that the reason why he's been mean to her recently was because he "wanted her to feel worthless" because she broke up with him once when he hit her. That was MONTHS ago, he won't let it go, clearly he's cruel and unloving. She won't listen though, she won't end it. She sees how he is but she's afraid to be alone even though she has so many friends who love her. How can I help her end this terrible relationship? I'm so worried about her and nothing I say or do can convince her to end it. I feel so helpless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe says that she does though...she honestly hates him. He told her the other day that he "wanted to make her as miserable as he was and feel worthless". Usually a few times a week she calls me crying about what he says, not to mention he hits her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've talked to her so many times about it and she says she wants to end it but she wont...i just dont understand why she wont! He's terrible! Yesterday she said she would break up with him but she said she couldn't stand to be alone. I just want to help her but she isn't listening. I'm not the only friend that's noticed how she acts about him. They ALWAYS have to be talking. They text each other when they wake up until she goes to school, then during lunch and instantly when they get out of school and they don't stop until they go to sleep. It's messed up how much control he has over her. Hes not only ruining her self confidence and making her feel miserable but causing her friends to be annoyed and distance themselves because you can never have her all of her attention, since she's always either texting him or worrying about why he isn't texting her. She claims we don't understand how it is because we have never been "in love" but from what I understand that doesn't sound like love to me...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2011):
 I don't think you can do much. I would tell her how destructive the relationship looks. Voice your opinion, but you can't "make" her do anything she doesn't want to.
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