A
female
age
30-35,
*oodbyehello93
writes:Whenever I talk to my friend whom is really gorgeous and cute.. she always gets the topic of appearances up. She tells me that I'm so pretty and that she herself is so ugly and lower than dirt. It was fine at first, telling her over and over that she is pretty but now its just getting annoying. She now talks about how she wants to get plastic surgery on her eyes to make them bigger and such. and guess what? Her family is allowing her to once she can get the money. What do I say to make her listen to me? I've literally said everything I could to tell her that she is pretty just the way she is. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): She could do with some counselling for her self-esteem. Try to encourage her to get some, rather than be worn out yourself, because you are not a professional.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Yeh I agree with xanthic... there really ain't anything more that you can do. You expressed your opinion and she's chosen to ignore it.
Plastic surgery on her eyes?? That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. If its just to try to make her look better and not fix her eyesight... that makes me sad and a little disgusted at the same time. I think, being brutally honest, if I was interested in a girl but then found out she had this kind of incredibly vain surgery... I'd completely lose interest and I know I wouldn't be alone in this line of thinking.
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A
female
reader, forgettingyou  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 From my experience, the only way to actually make her listen is to tell her straight - tell her she needs to get a grip, since it seems like she's attention seeking. leave her to have the plastic surgery, but let her know she'll regret it big time in the future!
i know she's you're friend, but friends tell the truth - so let her know, yes she is beautiful and gorgeous, whatever, but she also needs to get a grip. every time she brings the topic up from now on, try to change the subject, or leave it drop...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Her issues may stem from experiences from men. For example, my guy friends say i look fine. Yet, Im getting surgery on my stomach next month as my experiences with women has strictly told me otherwise (also getting it done for health concerns).
Youve given great reassurance to her and good job for doing so. If shes close and seems to be, try to get her to open up more to you about her issue. These insecurities are often complex and can be harmful if not approached in the right way such as counseling, like I have. But if she opens up a bit more perhaps you can dissect her problem in better detail. My gut tells me she is only telling you the surface of her issue. Best to you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 October 2010):
 There isn't much you can do other than be there for her. Your friend has severe issues with self image and no amount of reassurance or plastic surgery can fix that, even if she's convinced it will.
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