A
male
age
36-40,
*bravo4182
writes:I still don't really understand the difference between the dreaded 'friend zone' and a relationship that develops from friendship into something more. What exactly makes this happen? The 'friend zone' means, to me, that if one of the two involved was to say "i have feelings for you" after being friends for a long time, the other would not reciprocate those feelings, and the situation would become awkward.conversely, I come across instances on here and elsewhere about relationships that start as 'friendships' but 'develop' into romantic relationships. how does this happen, and what makes it different (generally) from the Friend Zone?i ask this as an unusually (and embarrassingly) naive 24 year old straight male. any help would be appreciated! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Great question, my friend! I know this married woman at work who is now living with a married guy who works right next door to her. They've known each other for a few years. So how the hell did that happen? Obviously they started off in the friendzone and then, as 'Emilyanswers' says, some 'event' must have happened. Why else would you choose a fat bald man with a high pitched voice! Anyway, je digress. A few years ago I had two close female friends - we would hang around alot together at work. After about 18 months there was a departmental re-structuring and two of us ended up in one group with the other woman in another group. This was the 'event' which caused her (in the other group) to start making moves on me. This was countered by the other woman! Although I say it myself, I was in the lucky position where I could choose between the two. 11 years later and the one I chose (the one from 'my' group) has produced two lovely children! We are not married though. I've never proposed to her! Perhaps there are many kinds of love, loving someone as a friend and loving someone 'in the traditional sense' shall we say. Anyway, my point is that if you start out as friends then even after producing children you never truly escape the 'friend-zone'. I'm sure I'll get married in the end...she probably deserves better than me! Anyway, hope that answers your question. Personally I think the relationship is defined in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. If there is an initial attraction then you can try and bury this in the interests of trying to be 'friends', but sooner or later this will come to the surface and love/lust will not be denied! Similarly, if you start out as friends then maybe there will always be a lingering doubt in your mind as to whether you truly 'love' them in a 'non-friendship' sense. Dependancy love (the idea of just getting used to someone 'being there' over the years) doesn't really count of course. Hope that floats your boat! Indeed - avoid the friendzone if you can, keep your distance, keep your mystery, keep your scarcity, pursue other interests and she will come to you. Seduction from the friendzone is not an easy transition to make, hence, you have to put some distance in there to make her 'want' you! Good luck!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 November 2008):
The friend zone is when you like a girl, and she likes you, but you do nothing about it, but be really nice to her and be her shoulder to cry on etc. After a few weeks her feelings change so that she sees you in the same way she'd see a big brother or gay friend. She has absolutely no feelings for you and never will.
Relationship from friendship works the other way round... you are both friends first and initially don't have any other feelings for each other, then some event happens and you end up passionately snogging and live happily ever after.
Basically the rule is, if you like a girl, let her know.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I've been through this with my best friend..he fancied me in the past but didnt tell me..now i fancy him.. Things got awkward.. more awkward.. normal.. awkward. It's kinda put a tension on our friendship but we were strong enough to get through it :) so just shows.. even if the other person is confused about how they feel if hes a good friend it'll be back to normal after a while.
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