A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay. Recently I have got back with my ex-boyfriend, things have been okay between us, and I guess for once things are looking up. However there is a slight problem. Me and my boyfriend both have a group of mutual friends that we both get along with, however during the time in which we broke up, me and one of these friends had abit of a "thing" going on. It wasn't anything serious, it was mainly just fun, however I was aware that this friend had some slight feelings for me, but he never seemed to show them, and just saw it as plain fun aswell. My boyfriend found out about this during our break up, and actually took it quite well, however now he is paranoid, he does constantly think that something is going on between me and this friend, and as we haven't been back together for long, it isn't the best. But it is expected. Yesterday however I received a really weird text off this friend, asking if I would go round his to sleep with him, my boyfriend was next to me and saw this text, it made him angry as expeceted and well I was worried he was going to flip as it wouldn't take much, however he calmed down when this friend revealed it was just a joke. Then last night me and my boyfriend went round this friend, and despite everything we are still friends, my boyfriend is okay with that. However shortly after my boyfriend left, this friend started texting me, asking if we could have sex, as me and my boyfriend weren't serious. When I told him we had actually got back together, he told me he wouldn't leave any marks and my boyfriend would never know. I said no to everything he said, and then I debated telling my boyfriend. The thing is, I know if my boyfriend found out, he wouldn't let me go round my friends anymore, and i'm not just friends with that one guy, but I mean two other friends of mine go round there and i'd barely be able to see them if my boyfriend said I couldn't go round there. I came to the conclusion to delete the messages, and told my friend that if he sent anymore then I would tell my boyfriend, not to mention he would flip if he found out. I hate lying to people, and infact this is the first time i've lied to him, but sometimes I feel that things like this is for the greater good. I also sorted it out with this friend, and we have agreed that now we will be purely friendly with each other, so there shouldn't be anything else like that. Have I done the right thing? Thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is, this friend of mine is like my bestfriend, and yeah i'm not going to lie, but I do regret sleeping with him slightly, but back then, it seemed as just sex, but I have made it clear to him now that I just want him as a mate and that is all.
If the issue carryes on then, I will tell my boyfriend, and I will probably distance myself, as its ovbious he can't respect my wishes or choices.
Its not that I love the attention, but this is all happening in my group of bestfriends, and I don't want to lose any of them, and despite everything, this mate of mine will always be a valued friend due to the things he has done for me in the past.
And a reputation? Yeah I do worry about things like that sometimes, but tbh, it was just sex, if he thought I was easy then thats his opinion as I, like him, was just in it for the sex. It would of been different if I had of wanted a relationship with this guy.
But anyway thankyou for your advice :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 This so-called "friend" has revealed that he really is a DOG!!!!!
Be loyal to your B/F and tell this "friend" to take a hike.... that you special, lady-parts are "off limits" to him......
You MAY keep quiet about this with your B/F... but IF, this prospective paramour doesn't give up... reveal these goings on to HIM (B/F), and let him handle the matter....
Honestly... is there no honor left in this (dating) world?
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Yes you did the right thing by ending the texting and confronting the other boy about hounding you. You deleted all the text messages and you earned your boyfriend's trust.
If you remain friends with the guy knowing you used to have a thing between you, you are just playing with fate. He isn't going to stop, he'll try again and again. I think your boyfriend is a very cool guy for not flipping out.
So you might want to put a more distance between you and the other guy, just so he realizes you don't want the temptation in the way; and you won't let him mess up what you have. That is what he is up to, breaking the two of you up. Then sex is available again.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 April 2013):
 I think you have done the right thing yes. You have told your friend to stop being inappropriate, and he has agreed so he shouldnt do it again. So in this case there is no need to tell your boyfriend, hopefully that should be the end of it. But if this 'friend' does start again then you will have to tell your boyfriend, and will have to stop talking to your friend as well.
Be careful in the future who you are having 'fun' with, as other people have said on here you are getting a bit of a reputation for yourself as the girl who is always up for 'fun'. That is not a good thing at your age!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 If this truly is sorted out once and for all then I see nothing wrong with keeping the lid on it. Neither you nor your boyfriend HAS to know about each and every person who hits on either of you. Unless it's an ongoing issue.I strongly suggest you step back and re-evaluate what kind of life you want to have and what kind of people you want in it. This so called 'friend' is anything but. Don't be flattered by his attention. The other two you briefly refer to can't be so great either if your friendship with them depends on continued association with the likes of the former. If you truly value your relationship then you must distance yourself from those who jeopardize it. Keeping in touch with this other guy is disloyal and self serving.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): hi,
the best thing is for you to tell your boyfriend, even know u have deleted the msg,
your friend can still have his and even know it does not incriminad you in any way he could always find a way to use it againt you, also do not worry about you boyfriend tellgin you not to see him again, or you can't go there,
if he does that means he care for you and you will always find more friends, maybe in 2 months of maybe in 10 years
but that will never be a problem, just tell him the truth is always better, and a tru friend will never try to sleep with you
not even if u have no boyfriend, so do not consider this guy your friend
tell you boyfriend
Takecare
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