A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure how to tell my friend that i'm not interested in her male friend. Her friend fancies me. I have met up with him twice, and it was only for a couple of hours each time. Both times i saw him, he got hold of me and gave me a kiss on the cheek without asking me !. I think it's polite to ask, and i havent even said that i want to go out with him. He also sends me lots of emails, even when i haven't written to him for a while, and he says that he misses me loads and ahs been thinking about me a lot. It just seems really intense, especially since we hardly know each other. He also says things like " please write back asap " and " i need to know by tomorrow ( or the end of this week ) if you can meet up " . And if he doesnt get a response by my email address, he sends me the same message on facebook !. I havent added him as a friend on there though. And he keeps asking me for my phone number.I asked my friend if she wanted to have a night out next week, but she said she will see if she has enough money, but if not, we can go for a coffee, and then she said that her male friend keeps telling her that he wants to see me again. I know that they are meeting up soon, so i'm wondering if she is trying to get us to all meet up together, rather than just me and her meeting up alone. I want to tell my friend that i'm not interested in him, but i'm not sure how to tell him. It's hard because i dont want to offend either of them. He is a nice guy, but i dont really find him physically attractive, and his intensity has put me off.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Be honest. Tell him you just don't feel any chemistry with him. The sooner you tell him, the sooner (hopefully) he will move on.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Intensity is unattractive yes. Just be polite, but don't sugar coat it. Write him back in an e-mail that while you can still be friends you are not interested in anything else, and you do not want to give him your phone number, nor meet up. Just cut right to it and leave no room for misinterpretation.
Write the e-mail to him, and don't tell your friend. If he keeps pestering you after you have told him "no", then it's unfortunately time to be a but more rude.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (17 December 2010):
 You seem like a very nice person...in this case you are being a bit too nice! By not telling this man you don't want a relationship then he is full of false hope of what may be! It is better than he knows how you feel now, rather than later. He can go out and find another girl. I am not suggesting you break his heart by informing him that you don't find him attractive. Just say you are not looking for a relationship right now and would appreciate if he stops contacting you as you are too busy to reply. If he carries on contacting you, ignore him and don't reply. As for your mutual friend, don't tell her anything you wouldn't want repeated to him. Just tell her you don't want a relationship with him as you are busy and that you like someone else (before she starts finding other male mates to pal you up with). Tell her that you don't want to go out as a group of friends together because you want to spend time with her, and that it would be awkward for the man involved. If she is your real friend then she will leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): You don't fancy him, end of story, it happens. It need not offend anyone. You just need to just be straight with him and/or your friend, its the best way. A simple 'I like you but you're not my type, sorry' sort of thing should do, you don't have to explain. Its difficult when you are angonizing - as you don't want to hurt people's feeling but honestly really is the best and only policy.
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