A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My good friend since highschool has always been the type to go Mia when a guy pays any attention to her. She will ignore me for months until the guy leaves then she wants to be my BFF again. It has come apperent that she values our friend ship less then I do. Is it fair to just give up on the friendship and move on
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): If you feel it is then yes. It depends on what she brings to your friendship though OP. I have friends that I haven't spoken to in ages, like months and have very little contact with them. But when we do have contact we're still as close as ever, can talk about anything, are loyal, safe and trusting of each other still.
It works for us because we're not ditching each other, our lives just take separate paths for a while.
If you're relying on her to be your best friend, or be there for her when you need her then you're doing it wrong because you can't. If you feel she's only using you for help when her latest guy walks away then, that's not a friendship like the ones I've described.
OP we're friends mainly with people because they have a use to us. Perhaps you've shared history, perhaps you click as two people really well. If you can alter your expectations of your friendship to not having to rely on her being around then there's no reason to lose her completely.
If you can take away some of the importance you feel she has in your life that leaves you upset then she can possibly become a fun acquaintance when she's around but not someone you need in your life if you know what I mean. A casual friend with a shared history but with a lot less emotional attachment to having her around.
I do have friends who disappear in and out of my life, for relationships, work, emigration etc. it's just what some people do. I don't feel hard done by or abandoned by these people because I have plenty of other friends and there will always be some around. I don't rely on any one of them to always be around and I don't miss them too much when they're gone because I know they'll be back.
Try put her lower in your life's priorities OP and you may be able to more easily accept her floating in and out of your life. If she has some use to you then no need to kick her out.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 January 2013):
It's not a matter of giving up on the friendship or not. It is more of a matter of learning to keep your distance when she comes around again. Just keep your distance and you can still keep your friend and even not get hurt in the process. Good luck.
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