A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey everybody! I'm a rookie on this site, and this will be my first time talking about this I don't want to waste anybody's time so I'm sorry for the long post and if you take the time to read it all the way through I greatly appreciate it! I'm looking for advise on my subject. It's something that has happened to a lot of people men and women, boys and girls breaking up with someone you care about deeply. First off I want to let you know a little about me, I'm 26 and I'm a commercial pilot, a pretty straight edge guy. Now I know this has had to of been talked about many times before but my problem is that I can't stop thinking about my ex even after I've let it go and its been three years since we've broken up and I never chased her or bothered her after we broke up. 2005 We dated for three years, we moved in together at the end of our second year briefly, but I think it was too late, she broke up with me one night after coming home from work because she said that she felt more like friends that a boyfriend and girlfriend to which I told her that people who date long become friends and lovers, she wasn't sure what she wanted from me or anybody else for that matter, to cut through a lengthy part in my story she ended up dating my friends and moved out, and anybody that knows the guy code (at least as far as I now) you don't do that, but I guess it didn't matter. At this time we were 19 (yes I know we were young) she was the first girl to say they love me and mean it, out of respect to her, she told me that she didn't want to have sex until she was married, which I was okay with because I respected her choice and wasn't going to force that on her unless she wanted to. 2007 Then within about three months of her being broke up with me I was driving down at the ATM getting some money when she drove by and saw me (I can still remember her looking at me as she drove by). She pulled in and parked next to me and her and I started talking and she sudjested that we go back to our old apartment and talk, I sadly agreed. We got back what was at this time my place, and her and I talked and then found ourselves cuddling, we were about to kiss and she stopped herself and said "I can't do this." to which I replied "why because you're with him . . . " and she slowly backed away and I started to fall silent and went to leave the apartment, she followed me out and said "where are you going?" I said "for a drive." with tears in my eyes, at this time I drove a red sports car (she thought I'd go off driving like a maniac or someth'n, she grabbed me by the arm and said "don't do anything stupid." "I said don't worry." I got in my car and drove off to let off some steam and emotions. Not long after that I found out she had sex with my friend. So a year and some months passed and I still thought about her and I dated off and on between that time as well but nobody that I was with made me feel the way I did when I was with her. 2009 By this time I was away 1000 miles away from home in flight school, and I got a random text from her saying, "I now know how you feel". She had gotten dumped by my friend after about a year and a half. So me being stupid and still having feeling for her that I still can't get over, decided I'd start talking to her again. Well we ended up getting back together even after all that time and me moving away (although she still lived in our home state). Well it took a turn for the worst and I had some vacation time coming up and I was going to come home and surprise her, my parents and her parents knew (which by the way they all liked me, to my knowledge) but I wanted to keep it a secret from her well I came back home and she was really quite and of all places my old bedroom at my parents house where her and I spent a lot of time together when we were in high school, I asked her what was going on and why she was being weird, she said she was confused and didn't know who she wanted to be with. I told her that I love her and care about her but if she isn't happy with me then we shouldn't be together and she said she had been talking to her ex again while was in school (my friend). That brought me to tears because I had been nothing but a loving caring boyfriend, never cheated, always was there for her, helped her with her bills when we first started dating, and she was doing this to me all over again. I told her that if this is what she wants then I'm not going to allow her to be the one to break up with me because I had this heavy burden on my shoulders about what I could have done to fix things and what I did wrong the first time, I wasn't going to allow myself to fall that low again and I told her that I was going to be the one that calls it quits and we both agreed it would be better. I saw her again three months later to give her back a picture frame she had gave me when we were together and I couldn't help but ask her, if it was because of the long distance that I was away from home that she left me and she said with teary eyes yes and that hurt. After that we didn't see each other for a year and a half she thought I had moved to somewhere in the Midwest and was worried that I had been injured in severe weather and texted me to which I told her no and and left it at that. Well as of this year I found out she's getting married to my ex-friend in May. I know it shouldn't bother me but everyday I wake up and for a split second I think about her, and wonder what if, but then I realize where I'm at and what I'm doing, I'm single, live alone, but I'm okay with that and the single life has its benefits but I in some ways wish I hadn't met her so that I wouldn't of had this experience, I'm happy with my life, aviation is my love now but there are somethings missing and its okay she's not with me but I keep asking when will I find my true love. There's a saying "The good guy isn't dead, he just stopped caring."
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (3 February 2014):
I mostly disagree with previous replies. I don't think it's your fault nor I think you should ever talk with her again. In the first place you don't date your partner's friend even after ending a relationship. If you really fall so deeply in love with your partner's friend, then you don't wonder whether you have to be with one or the other. Because you are sure about your love and because you try to minimize the hurting.Your ex-girlfriend did both things. She dated your friend and let you suffer while she decided if you could be the one. Then went back with him. So I have no doubt, she doesn't care about you nor about your feelings. When he dumped her, she was afraid she could end up alone. So she went to you, because she cares about herself.You have to let her go, for real. It's up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Give her a call and ask to meet, this is your last chance to be honest and tell her how you feel. Yes there is a risk she will say no, but at least you will not go through life regretting not having tried.
You will regret it if you dont.
JUst be prepared she may well tell you that she is not leaving her fiance. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, liveNlearn12 +, writes (30 January 2013):
Sounds to me a classic case of losing your first love. It happens to us all. We all remember our first love. With her getting married now your thinking what if ? You need to sit down and really analyze your feelings for this women. Are you really in love with her ? If so why didn't you make more of an effort to contact her before and tell her your feelings ? Or are you just simply thinking of her as the one who got away ? are these feelings just coming out because she is getting married ? Maybe you thought you still had a chance with her but kept putting it off or you just thought you had more time? Or you are simply a guy who when he see's his ex wants her back only for the reason she is with someone else , you don't really want to be with her but don't want her to be with anyone else ethier ? Dose this sounds like anything your feeling ? I'm just throwing some thoughts your way. some questions you need to sort out before you make your next move. If you feel you do love her and she loves you, I know it's a risk but you could call her and talk to her about it before she gets married. I know some people will think that is the wrong thing to do but sometimes you just have to get out what your feeling not bottle it up. So at least you can say I told her what I wanted to say and not live with any regrets. also take into consideration the reasons why you are not together now, what are the reasons ? Could they be worked on. Think wisely on this subject and remember what makes you happy. good luck in love take care.
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