A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently i met this guy i really really like and i was so into him but he had a girlfriend and i had a boyfriend so i never expected that there could be something between us. We both go to the same school and our significant others go to different schools. About a week ago i finally had the guts to broke up with my boyfriend, after a long while of not being happy with the relationship. that same day i went to this party with people of my college (i'm 21) and i got really really drunk. I don't usually drink that much but that day it felt good to let go a little. anyway in that party i apparently made out with a guy from school, but truly i don't remember much. This guy is friends with the guy i like. But since the guy i like has a girlfriend i'm thinking: what the hell!! why stop for a guy who has a girlfriend and who probably doesn't even like me anyway. So i went on making out with his friend (and i really don't remember much but people who was at the party told me) Later on, the guy i like arrives and his friend was asleep. Obviously he wasn't aware at that point that i had been making out with his friend. then, the few of us who were still at the party started talking (this part i remember everything) i wasn't that drunk anymore so i started talking more and more with the guy i like. we hit it off quite well and talked for hours. finally i told him that i liked him. he said i like you too, i've liked you for a long time. he told me he broke up with his girlfriend earlier that same day and told her he liked someone else (me). he asked me if i wanted to go out with him and explore our feelings for each other. i said yes. I vaguely remembered i kissed his friend but i thought it had only been one kiss (at least thats all I remember) so i didn't think it was that big of a deal. besides i thought most likely his friend wouldnt remember either and if he remembered i never tought he'd care.we went out every day and had an amazing time. we were so good for each other. Anyway yesterday i saw a friend who i hadn't seen since that party and she told me everything i did with this guy's friend.. and it was obviously more than one kiss. the two of them hadn't talked since the party either so the guy i like didn't knew. i knew i had to tell him before he found out from someone else. so i did. and he told me he needed time. that he was glad i told him first and all that but he thought it was better to wait before getting too serious. The problem is that the day before he was too serious about it, saying stuff like how fun it was going to be walking in school together and holding me and holding hands with me and pretty much treating me like his girlfriend. label which he and only he put on our relationship. now he says that he doesn't want her ex to feel bad if she saw us together but that he stills like me and he hasn't change his mind about dating me. plus he said we had to clear the air with his friend, who apparently remembers quite well and likes me too. what can i do??? i don't want to lose him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (17 October 2010):
Be open and honest with him. Your whole situation doesn't seem too hard to swallow from his perspective. Just make you help him air things out with his friend, and deal with his ex.
And take your time. You may have been ready to bounce back after your last relationship, but you can't know if this new man is in the same place. He may not even know himself. Take things slowly so if he ends up having issues neither one of you hurt each other.
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