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male
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*akic
writes: I've recently met a girl, she's a friend of a friend. Well we got to talking online and I'm really beginning to like her.We talk for hours every day, getting to know each and every little detail about each other. We both agree that things are going well and that we both are really into each other. We're so much alike and I love the things I'm learning about her and I look forward to talking to her every day. Everything seems perfect and I think that she's such a beautiful girl on both the inside and out. The problem is she's from a different province than me!I probably won't get to see her for a few months. We both agree that we can wait for each other and that we can't wait to see each other again but 4 months is a long time. Do I really have a chance with this girl or am I just wishing too much? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tiffany +, writes (27 October 2005):
You may have a chance...Just go with your gut. We all have an intuition, and if you really listen to it, you'll hear all you need to, which in this case is simply "do you care for her and she for you?" Ask yourself! if the answer is yes, you'll make it through this. Love is the lifeblood of any hardship..I'm in a similar situation so I can relate. The missing feeling is the tough part, I know. I even struggle with ways to overcome that part..share your tips with me if you have any! But if you can just determine that there is equal balance in your feelings for each other, you'll wind up side by side. Listen to that genie right there within... hope I helped
A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (24 October 2005):
Keep your self busy and 4 months can pass in no time. Just think about how amazing it will be when the four months are up.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 October 2005):
 Long distance relationships are difficult, even under the best of circumstances. If you two were married, for example, and one of your jobs made you have to live apart for months at a time, you might be able to hold things together based on the intimacy that you'd built up together in the past. As well, you'd know that it was a temporary thing and that you'd be together in X amount of time. Workers in Antarctica and military personnel have to do this all the time.
The situation you find yourself in is a different kettle of fish, though. That's not to say that it *couldn't ever* work out - of course it could! - just that there are a fair number of strikes against you already.
First is the online relationship. It may seem that you're getting to know each other really well when you chat, but the truth of the matter is that most people are completely different in real life to the way they communicate over the Web. Furthermore, people don't tend to tell you about their BAD personality traits when they're chatting to you, do they? They don't come out and say "Well, I tend to blow up and punch innocent bystanders whenever I don't get my way" or "I steal things when I'm sad" or "I love puppies, but I go out of my way to kick cats".
No, I'm not saying this girl is a horrible person! I'm only pointing out how hard it is to get a really honest view of someone when you ONLY know them from online. After all, you only know what she tells you. And you don't even know if that's the truth! So you have to be very wary about online relationships.
The second problem is that you both sound pretty young. That is, too young to visit between each others' homes until you work out if the relationship is going anywhere. When you only have hope and a thread of fantasy between you, it's going to be difficult to sustain a workable, ongoing relationship.
The third thing is that, because of your relative youth, you may not have a lot of experience with the other sex, and that can lead to misunderstandings and trouble. Text, chats, even phone calls, aren't a natural way for people to interact, and it's hard to deduce nuance of communication from a few letters on a screen, or a voice on your headset. People need to see each other when they talk, to really understand what's being said.
The last potential problem is that you'll be missing out on the physical aspects of a relationship. Not just the sexual aspects, but sitting close to someone you care about and noticing the smell of that person's hair. Or holding hands when you're together on a date. Putting your arm around her, kissing, giving her a massage... whatever. Don't kid yourself; those things are important, especially in the long term.
If I were in your shoes, I'd have to regard your chats with this girl as really fun times with a special friend, with the potential to be something more than just friendship later, when you can travel and visit each other regularly.
Hope that this gives you some insight.
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