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Four months on I am still letting what he does affect me

Tagged as: Breaking up, Online dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 17 January 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I posted a question on here a few months ago about an internet 'relationship' with a big age gap which lasted for 8 years...

to save repeating what I asked here is the link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/8-years-chatting-with-a-man-almost-30.html

I found all the answers people wrote tremendously useful.

Since then several months have gone by, the man in question has sent me several emails asking why I ceased contact, none of which I have replied to.

I haven't chatted to him or contacted him now for about 4 months.

I confess, I have felt disappointed at his lack of insight into why I have stopped speaking to him and I think that is the end of his emails.

I have been suprised at how easy it has been to cut him out of my life and although I think about him from time to time, I do not miss him, although I sometimes cannot shake my angry feelings towards him.

My problem now is that through an email notification sent to me I am now aware he has started talking to other women online.

I feel furious. I know I have no right to stop him from doing so and I wish I didn't know he was.

I am angry that he still has the power to bring about such strong emotions in me.

I have still told no one about this and although I have found it easy to cut him out I can't seem to shake these feelings of remorse, shame and anger which come bubbling to the surface when something like this happens.

I feel like he is still ruining my life 4 months after I have stopped speaking to him.

Melodramatic I know... but I don't want to waste my time feeling like this.

Any advice welcome...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

look here girl,im not going to beat about the bush and handle with your emotions while advicing to you on this.

ask yourself-

dont you want to live a normal,REAL life for yourself and not an online life??

go out there and date young,handsome men of your age,find the love of your life.and for that ,in the first place you need a real life.right?

stop talking about life to some 50 yr old cheat,who is a complete jerk.what the hell do you even talk to such a shallow person?stopfeeling anything for this old hag.

he will chat and talk dirty to a 100 women online,it shouldnt bother you.your a young soul,you have an entire life ahead of you.forget the past,the times he has influenced you.ditch that part of your life

go out there and discover life for yrself rather than learning of a 50 yr old's life,he is a loser nd your not getting the right inspirations or vibes from him.

CUT OFF INTERNET..nd youll know howmuch of reality you have left to catch up with.

trustme,i myself was addicted to spying on activities of my ex-bf online,at first it began of curiosity..nd as they say curiosity kills the cat.nd instead of getting over him i got more attatched and more depressed..coz 1 thing internet nd social networking enables that feeling of havin communicated with a person just by seein things and you get attatched to someone for no shit reason!

its only when i ot the internet cutoff,did i realize that all the while i was getting closer to him,it was ultimately of no use.!!now im out of it and i know this wont stop for you until you stay away from internet completely

think of this your livin life in a fourth dimention-net,its not part of the real world..all of us fake to some extent on the net and some losers like him go all the way,the result-fascinating innocent ppl like you..CUTOFF THE NET!ITS BEEN 8 YRS WHICH IS TOO LONG ....SO LONG THAT IM SURE UR ADDICTED NO WONDER ITS AFFECTING YOU AFTER 4 MONTHS..i mean its nothing compared to yr 8 yrs!!

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