A
male
age
51-59,
*anno38
writes:First off my ex-wife and i both agreed that we would never bring any other person into our bedroom, no threesomes, foursomes, gangbangs or any other thing like that. We are both too jealous to do that I guess, but i know everybody on here has the their own views about living that lifestyle. That is just mine. I just couldnt picture another man or chick pleasuring my wife while i watch or join in, yes i said another woman too, and the reason is that i know that isnt who or what my ex-wife is about, and i respect her for that. Both me and the ex have had good sex in the past and gotten a little wild, but with just me and her, not anyone else and it was just conservative normal sex.Well first off I just divorced my wife of 13 years and I dont know if i done the right thing now because of what i found out about the woman i cheated on her with, even though i wasnt happy with her at the time, it was something that i could have fixed, but now we both agree that its for the best. I know i was wrong for cheating on my wife and i feel like s___ for it, but she was going through menopause as i think back now and sex to her wasnt a priority to her like it was to me, so i went out looking. I met this woman which was the same age as me, on yahoo and she was married also, but her and her hubby had an open marriage and it went against everything i believed in, but i figured well i wont have to actually have a 3 some with them, cause he lets her go out and meet and hookup with who ever she wants, or he would get on the internet and hook her up with guys he would meet, some she would bring there to her home, or go to theirs, or go to a hotel room. when we started hooking up a lot, and meeting on the weekends, well the feelings started, she is a very beautiful blonde haired blue eyed beauty, great body and all that. Well i asked her one night how many guys she has had slept with and she told me a couple, well it was just conversation, as time went by she would get phone calls form guys wanting to hook up with her, while i was with her, she was ever so politely with them and wasnt rude. we went away one weekend and we were in bed one night making love and i told her i loved her, after that she wanted to end it and i wouldnt take that for an answer, we shared so many good times and we make each other laugh. i knew and i loved falling in love with her, it was like a natural high, i didnt really think about anything else, just how happy she made me in so many ways, good ways and it was far from just sex. I didnt like it when she would have to call her husband while i was having sex with her, either intercourse or oral sex, he just wanted to hear her, thats how he got his kicks, and thats how she got hers, from what i found out later. While we was seeing each other she kept on saying for me to come over to her house, so I could have a 3 some with her and her old man. She told me he would just come downstairs and watch and then leave, i find that hard to believe, but i never did do that with her cause to me thats not right and thats not what im about, besides i loved her and thats not what i wanted for us. We went out one night with some of my freinds, i told her about a buddy of mine that will be there that him and his old lady have an open marriage, well we had just got there, and him and her took together like white on rice, she wanted a 3 some with him and her and me. Her excuse was "Well you told me about him for a reason" i thought thats what you wanted..I find that hard to believe, thats a COP out i think. And again it didnt happen cause of me, thats not what i wanted, well later on after that, she divorced her husband i divorced my wife, and i moved in with her, we talked about getting married and then i found out, she had slept with married guys that her hubby hooked her up with, her and her husband had a threesome with a bi guy, she has had two guys inside of her at one time, to include the bi guy, she lied about how many times she hooked up with the bi guy. you name it she done and her hubby was a bi cuckold, she would go out and be with guys and then come home and he would have oral sex with her. She lied to me about all of her past, telling me that she didnt want me to think bad of her. She had numerous guys over to her house after she told me that i was the first one she wanted to come to her house, I moved out and lived with a buddy of mine and then finally i found a place and my ex wife moved in with me, till she found a place to live, im in Korea now and my ex girlfreind writes me everyday, telling me how much she loves me and she lived like that because of her husband. I still love her, but in a way i see her as a mistake now. She was messing with the bi guy while she was seeing me too, i later found that out, even though she was married too, the fact is she just cant be honest about nothing. It's just too much drama for me. What would anybody reading this do, if you all was in my shoes. I want to work it out, and she does too, but actually im so confused cause to be honest, i dont know how.
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divorce, ex-wife, her ex, her past, jealous, moved in, moved out, my ex, oral sex, the internet, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, troubledintn +, writes (4 July 2008):
 well i am the woman that dannokr38 is talking about.. an let me say that he and i both had issues in our relaionship... in love with him yes.. lived the way he said i did when i was married before him yes. all true. but he has his own set of lies as well ladies.. he and i were both married and left our spouses to be with each other .. i gave him 500 percent of me all the time in every way... and yet he left for korea in march .. the last 8 months he was here he slept with both myself and his exwife and drug us both along... do i still love and adore him yes... some people might say i am stupid for it but what do you do you cant help who you fall in love with ... i dont for one minute regret ever falling in love with him, nor do i regret the time we had together. but i do regret being so stupid that i love him so much that i would tolerate him sleeping with the both of us .. and the bad p[art is that he would denie it and tell me to call her and ask her and yet she lied for him as well... so what do you do.....i was faithful to him the entire time we wer together and still have been even though we arent together now.. i cannot even think about being with anyone else much less being touched by someone else... and for the record becasue you have lived an open marriage with one person DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CANNOT FIND SOMEONE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY IN EVERY WAY AND BE IN A TOTALLY MONOGAMAS REALTIONSHIP.... BECAUSE IT HAPPENED WHEN I MET HIM.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): "Well first off I just divorced my wife of 13 years and I dont know if i done the right thing now because of what i found out about the woman i cheated on her with, even though i wasnt happy with her at the time, it was something that i could have fixed, but now we both agree that its for the best.I know i was wrong for cheating on my wife and i feel like s___ for it, but she was going through menopause as i think back now and sex to her wasnt a priority to her like it was to me, so i went out looking."Why do you think, or believe, that you are worthy of fidelity when you, by your own admission, have been unfaithful as well? How would you feel if every woman you fell in love with, held your past against you? I'm not advocating that you form a committed relationship with this woman who obviously looks for personal validation through sex with other men, but you should look inside yourself FIRST before judging others if they are worthy to have a committed relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i disagree with passivists who think its ok for a guy who "cares" and has limited amount of sex partners to be with a 'ho. the thought of women with, like a huge number of ex lovers is disgusting...i picture like my x all burned out at 40 with over 100 ex lovers and no husband but 10 kids from different fathers. thats basically the future for'em unless they lie and NEVER tell their past. its a respect issue: the reason men feel bad is because by being with a loose woman is like disrespecting yourself: specifically, if you have had a limited number of lovers and she has had, well, over 30. theres is a number of ex lovers that is reasonable, specifically a few (but not too many!) one night stands and sex mostly from relationships. 30 or more? thats a sign of someone that is disfuctional in relationships! and it can do sever damage to any man who falls for them in their path..30 is the cut off point for me: if its over 30 then they dont respect themselves and basically have sever mental issues. why put yourself through that grief? this type of woman will rebound quickly and easily, where you will take months: perhaps years. every rebound will hurt. simply put, its so much easier for women to have casual sex with strangers. if they have an extensive history of dong this then ita going to be a painful ride. men have far more psychological issues anout this than women: if they dont have sensitivity to it, then they are not the catch of the century. if fact they are not a catch at all: they will only do damage.
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A
female
reader, troubledintn +, writes (28 April 2008):
hi danno38, i think the best way for you to work it out with her if you really love and want to be with her is to accept what she has told you and for to her accept what you have told her rently about what you have both done either before you were together or while you have been together.something to think about danno, do you think this woman actually does love you . well if you said that you called her horrible names and made nasty commnets to her all this time. if i was on the outside looking in then i would say this woman does love you to have been able to withstand this negativity from the man that she is deeply in love with .. wouldn't you ???? there apparently has to be something between you two that is more that just sex. wouldnt you agree?? when you are not with her or cant see her do you feel totally empty inside??do you think about her all day everyday ??i can guarantee that this woman is very ashamed of the way she lived before she met you... and all the reasons why she did it point at not being satisfied in her marriage in many ways, some of them might be , that she worked alot and was never recgonized for her efforts as a wife or mother.. not being appreciated to a woman is a very big deal. then she might have been ready for her divorce many years before and her children kept her in her marriage to her ex. also looking at it i think she probably needed a man in her life to give her love, attention, cuddling, affection, companionship. and from the looks of it YOU must give her all of that since she has left that lifestyle and never looked back. i dont feel like she intended to ever hurt you with her past. but if you were not honest with her about the relationship you had with your exwife, then she did not by any means feel secure with you enough to be able to trust that you would take what she has told you and be hateful to her about it . even though people deal with hurt in many differnet ways , which they do... what you are asking this woman to talk about is very private to her and i think she most likely wanted all of it left behind when she divorced her ex.and i also feel like it was probably very hard for her to talk to you about it because of the fact that she is very much in love with you and didnt wanna lose you ... but i feel like you should really think about whether she really does love you since she actually did tell you everything and actually stood thru this storm with you in having to try and deal with the ways you handled the hurt which was calling her names.and i also feel like it was probably very hard for her to find out that you confided in your exwife about her private issues. the things that your gf told you about her past some of them were probably very emabarrasing for her and she probably feels very hurt by the fact that you discussed her issues with the woman that you left to be with her... i honestly feel like if she didnt love you then she would have walked away along time ago...i also believe that someone that lived like that does have the right to change and wanna spend the rest of their life with one person. i am sure that this woman can regonize that she had done wrong and totally feels that she deserves the opurtunity to see if what you two thought you have together actually is true and real. i also feel like that you two have probably caused each other alot of unnecessary hurt with taking each others love for granted and if she can still be there waiting with her arms wide open for you after what you had told her recently then why cant you .....good luck and i hope you two find some kind of happy medium with these issues and can have a happy , healthy . life together.... troubledintn
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A
female
reader, troubledintn +, writes (28 April 2008):
hi danno38, let me tell you what i think about your situation. i feel like you should always tell the whole truth about the whole situation... yes you girlfriend had led a very different life i suppose than you did. but if you would understand her and the reasons why she did it and look at what we had with her ex verses then look at what you two share then maybe that will get you to understnad that people do have the right to meet and fall in lvoe with someone and never want anyone in there life but that person...wanting to work it out and actually doing it are different things sweetheart.i think the first step if you really love her is to not shut her out and take everyday one day at a time. i think you both have done things that have caused a trust isssue between u . but think about it something must be there because something keeps taking the two of you back into each others arms... what could that be ? good luck and i hope you find the happiness you deserve.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): hunny Im all for unconditional love, Im very laid back but there has to be two people with the same emotional feeling when it comes to a good relationship. Its entirely up to her what she does in life . But if its hurting you then thats different love, to find out some of the things you have would be heartbreaking for you. Hunny she had her husband on the phone while you were making love, If you love someone you dont imvolve others unless you are both ok with it...Im sorry for your pain, If you need a chat message it anytime hun LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, danno38 +, writes (27 April 2008):
danno38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is one of the emails she sent me p />when i lived the way i did ... to me i was getting the attention i had needd and wanted for a very long time.you know in your heart that i am telling the truth danny. womans needs are differnt in alotof ways but also in aolot of ways very different.but i needed someone to touch me even if it was for a few minutes danny. i know it was wrong but i cant change it now. all i can do is try and make it right between us .. no danny there was never any 4somes, and gangbangs,..my doctor asked me if i thought i would ever get you to understand and why am i trying so hard and i told him because i am so in love with you and i want you to understand so we can move past this so we can be happy together.it is a known fact that people can live the life i was living and then one day find the person of their dreams and never want that life again . why can you not realize that i found all of what i have needed and wanted in my entire lifetime in you danny. i want and need you in my life but i see you dont want that anymore i would fight until the depths of hell for us . and stand beside you thru thick and thin...i think about everything danny not just the things that have gone wrong between us . i think about all the good that we bring to each others lives. all the fun we have together and it jsut breaks my heart to think that you are so easily to give all of it up because of the way i lived before you ...how can you say that we were better off staying married to out spouse. you might feel that way but i dont .. not at all. when i fell in love with you my whole world changed you i thought loved me for me but you dont.. i would have opened up to you early on but everytime i tried to took what i was telling you and beat me up with it and callled me horrible names and made me fell awful. then i would clam up. i REALIZE that you were hurt and that was the way you dealt with it but tell me how was is upposed to talk to you about anything when you blow up at me ... i am a very loving woman and i can love you until eternity but you wont let that happen. you wont let someone love you that actually is in love with you. and danny if you wanted to come home bad enough we could get you home baby...
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Darling, if you did get back with her I don't think you would be able to trust her beacause of her swinging. You seem like a decent guy and should find yourself a woman who is not too slutty and has more respect for her body.
If you did get her back, you would be constantly paranoid about her sexual hedonistic lifestyle..... not to mention STD. I mean you could catch allsorts of diseases from her. Let her get on with it..... I don't think you are cut out to date a woman like her and you seem more suited to a woman who is capable of monogamy.
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A
male
reader, danno38 +, writes (27 April 2008):
danno38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Mandy7,
I really apprecite your answer very much. I really want to love this girl, she has done nothing except be good to me and keeps on telling me that i should love her for who she is now, and maybe she is right, but what she fails to see i think is "Just how hard it is for me to do that". I just cant believe she would do the stuff she done, and the worst part is thats what she told me, there is alot she hasnt told me, just like there is alot i think she wouldnt do as far as sex goes i believe. She cheated on her hubby of 13 years and thats why they started livng the way they did, i see having sex is one thing and thats bad enough, but taking it where she did is beyond me. She lied to me about anal sex telling me that she only done it with her hubby, well that was a lie, thats when i found out about her having 2 guys in her at the same time and all that crap, being with a bi guy and etc..etc...i dont want to say she is/was a whore, but when my ex-wife found about her, that was a popular word coming out of my ex-wife's mouth. She is so pretty and beautiful, but looks dont really mean anything, as i have learned and learned the hard way. How can women say, that a mans past doesnt matter, when her past screwed me all up, emotionally, mentally, even the way i see sex now. She tells me that i dont love her the way she does me, and that i dont know what "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" is? I know what it means, but to me she uses that to make the way she lived ok, or that i should accept it. What if i was the one that had a past like that, how would women see it? I think they would say things like he is just out for sex, he'll do it again and again, and you cant trust him, and things of that nature. i just want people to understand me and give me some insight on what to do or the direction to go. And again thanks Mandy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Hi Hunny
Drama Drama Drama!!!!Eh!!!!Im happy with one man and good sex hun Im on the same wave length as you, It takes all sorts to make a world so no judgments from me. All I can say to you is if you do try and work this out it may be fine for a while, But you will itch to question her and the more she tells you the more you will want to no and the more it will eat you up..You love her I understand this and you really want this to work, You have to ask yourself a few questions hunny, How would you feel if you bumped into people she had casually slept with? And knowing your not into all this why did she feel it was what you wanted when you met with your friends that night? If someone doesnt feel comfortable doing this kind of thing no one can make them, I had a b/f that wanted me to sleep with his workmate apparently they had been talking and he thought it would be good fun!!!!!!!!!!!!EM! NO! And piss off to him as well...You have to be so sure in this kind of situation as its natural for her to just meeting up with anyone at anytime so she is used to it now, Couldnt you see how natural it was to her on your night out love...Id really think about how this may affect you down the line in say 6 months to a yr hunny as the dust settles and your in the relationship all this could so quickly raise its ugly head and become a nightmare for you. If you were like minded there would be no problem but your not at all, You need to think hard hunny if you can deal with it not coming back to haunt you...HOPE THIS HELPED TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Ares  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Danno38,
This woman obviously enjoys her sexual lifestyle and is in no hurry to change this in the near future. She revels in sexual attention and will more than likely cheat on you.
I would suggest that you cut your losses and find a woman with the same ideals as yourself, one that wants you for the man you are and not to act as a pimp for her.
Best of luck
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