A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am in a 'serious' relationship with my boyfriend since august 2008, however, i have never invited to his home(he lives 6 hours away). i asked to visit just after easter, however, got a shocking confession from him instead--he is divorced, has a little boy with the exwife. i was shocked, cried, but accepted. after a few days phone conversations, found out that, he is not filed for divorce yet, but in separation!! the thing is, i still don't know if he is telling the truth, and i am not the sort of person will secretly follow or spy on him, or checking his phone. i am quite confused at the mo, i love him, and got attachment feeling already, there is spark, emotional connection between us. he cares and loves me a lot, that i can tell. we met a few times after(he travels a lot for work, and i did make effort to meet him), but neither of us mentioned anything, the reason: for me, i dont want to be naggy or needy or be the reason for his divorce, and already prepared giving him sometime and space; for him, i don't know.the only thing i know is, he insist that i am not his stepping stone to fill the gap, the divorce will go ahead, and nothing to do with me(there was no sex in the marriage long before me). all he cares now is his little son, he doesn't know what to do to avoid the hurt for him..he showed me the boy's photo, and he is so cute! i cry sometimes at night--i wish that boy was mine, and wish that i had met him earlier! what should i do now? i do not want to wait forever!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for your answer!! i've been thinking a lot lately, and my friends are all telling me the same thing- to leave him, because he wants the best of both world, but i deserve him as a whole, not just half. I think you are right at all angles! thanks darling! now the question is, how can i get out of it? my wise voice is telling me to leave, but action voice is stopping me. sometimes it's just easy to say than do when you are really in love with someone who you should not fall in with at the first place. Am I stupid or weak or what?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): don't you think that yor b/f is continously lying. as long as you allow him to manipulate you with his lies you will be wasting the best years of your life with this married man. you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of this. don't just accept that there is no sex with the wife.
by you not questioning fiurther i think you are afraid of the true answers you may hear. you may feel that you don't want to nag him, but you are actually helping him to maintain his double life. the sad thing is thst his double life will destroy you in the end. it may be better to waste only a few month of your life with him than a few years. you still have time to get out of this toxic realtionship. he question is, do you? Good luck. i know it hurts now but you can save yourself from years of misery if you are smart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot Gina for your answer :-) He told me he is seperated, yet I've never asked about paper prove or anything. I can tell by the time he calls, that, his wife doesn't live at the same property, because according to him, his son is with him during the weekend; and for the past three weeks, he called me during the day when the two of them were out and about. Just want to say that, It is really difficult giving him time and space, especially when he complaint about i didn't call him as much, and that i can call anytime, but doesn't answer the phone a lot of the times! The suspection of him with the boy and possibly wife therefore can't answer the phone is killing me! I've be quite respectful, otherwise I would had just turned up in that city during Ester without notice! Is anybody out there have had or having the same probs? would be really appreciated if you can give me some advice or suggestion! I can't concentrate on my own life properly, and feeling so needy(which is wrong i know!) and empty, and sometimes just feel that my life is meaningless. One voice in my head is telling me to break up, once liar always liar, get on with my own life, and there are 'plenty of fish in the sea'; however the other voice is saying to give it a goal, what if i missed my love of life? We are so great together- same value, same sense of humor, a lot common hobbie... but how!! i'm going mad now!! help!!!!
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