A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:Found my wife kissing her best friend,did'nt overreactbut feel quite insecure,married for 23 yrs although I suspected that she might have done this before or gone further.Love my wife and kids,what should I do,discuss it or ignore it.It was put down to both being drunk.
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best friend, drunk, insecure, kissing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Have a good think about what you can manage to live with and what you can’t. You at the same time could talk to her honestly about her feelings and ask her to tell you what's happening. There is the possibility of denial, but in that case you’ll have to think about using instinct, common sense and checking, to find out the truth (well, if you want to know). It is nobody’s business but yours to decide what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you knew that every once in a while they may have sex, but that it does not threaten your relationship, could you stand it? (I totally couldn’t by the way, but some could.) If she said she would leave if you stopped her seeing this friend what would you want to do? Maybe she was just drunk, or do you think she would want a life with this friend and to end your marriage? These are all questions you have the right to ask. You don’t know where you are or how important this relationship is, or your relationship with her.Remember above all that you deserve to be treated as you would treat her. It does not matter what sex the person is she is with, she is still being disloyal and acting in a way that threatens your children’s stability because it undermines your family unit. If this fling means nothing it was a big risk to take for some physical pleasure and was therefore incredibly selfish. You deserve love and respect. Well done for not over reacting but now you have to find out and draw your line in the sand. If you totally ignore this situation it makes it seem that you do not have a sense of self empowerment or self respect. If you behave as though you are afraid you will cause more damage than doing nothing. Really think about this and be calm but sure about your wishes.
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (28 February 2007):
firstly, is it really relevant if its male or female best friend? i think not.
what is important, is that shes kissed someone other than you. youve been married a very long time which is very comendable. you should be able to sit her down and talk like adults easily. dont lose your temper and make accusations,it will just create anger and lies which gets no one any where.
just say what you saw and how it makes you feel, leave the floor open to her. hopefully she has enough respect to tell you.
hope it goes well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): If you have been married to 23 years then surely you two can talk. You need to talk to her and listen to all she has to say. Maybe it was just for a bit of fun, or a drunken moment, or maybe not. But you won' t know until you have a word with her. Explain that you didn't like it and you would rather she didn't do it again. I don't think i would like to find my partner kissing their best friend.
Take care and talk it over
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): If you have been married to 23 years then surely you two can talk. You need to talk to her and listen to all she has to say. Maybe it was just for a bit of fun, or a drunken moment, or maybe not. But you won' t know until you have a word with her. Explain that you didn't like it and you would rather she didn't do it again. I don't think i would like to find my partner kissing their best friend.
Take care and talk it over
xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 She has no business kissing anybody else but you. You should definitely sit down and discuss this with her. Be sure you let her know just how you feel, this is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): i would like to no if your wives best friend is a man or a woman?
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