A
male
age
30-35,
*ISME
writes:The Situation: I found my friend from about 5-7 years ago. We were talking but nothing serious just catching up but i somehow caught feelings for him.(When i found him i was in washington and he is in new mexico) I am now in new mexico and we hung out only twice but when were with each other its not awkward but just mostly quiet and we dont really talk to each other. Although he is now engaged i dont know what to do. But after that ended i started talking to this guy. hes really nice and what i have been looking for but when i looked at the picture of my friend i got feelings again but he has no idea. im not sure what i should do because i dont want to hurt the new guy and i def. dont want to be a homewrecker.
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male
reader, JISME +, writes (9 July 2010):
JISME is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks chigirl
and really thank you phoebe that was like the perfect answer im just so speechless!!!
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 This is a really tough situation. I think to be able to focus on your new and promising relationship you need closure on the "what could have been?" path you travel down when you see your friend.
I think you should talk to your friend. Tell him everything in a calm setting where it's just the two of you. He has to at least respect the fact you're being honest with him, right? You should make it clear that you don't want to endanger his current relationship. Maybe you don't really want a relationship with him, maybe you just need to know if he ever felt that way about you so that you can move on? This could also be the source of the awkwardness between you, if neither of you quite know where you stand.
It's very possible that he might be a bit angry or upset, it's obviously big news, but unless you talk things through and find some form of relief/closure, will you ever be able to concentrate fully on your fairytale ending?
You should know you're very lucky, a fairytale future is waiting for you, just try and sort out your issues with the other guy first. That way you and the "new guy" can start with a clean slate, you won't have to worry about what you potentially missed out on with your friend, right?
I really hope this helped you and sorry for the rambling! I tend to do that...
Peace,
xxx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 What you can, and should do, is to take time off from both of these men and get over the first guy. Then when you are ready, you can start dating again.
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