A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a recently divorced man of 42 and I'm trying to get back in the dating game.I'm not a pervert, sick, pedophile, etc.I have no problem meeting eligible and non-eligble women my age.I met this one particular girl in a store near my house. I was shopping and we just happened to be standing next to each other. We also clicked.We started talking, had coffee and went on a few platonic dates.It's getting serious and she's giving me all the signs of a more intimate relationship.I do like her as she's funny and we just love each other's company.But there's a problem. She's pregnant and she's 15.I am NOT the father, we have'nt done it yet.When we met I could'nt tell she was pregnant as she was only 6 weeks along.But she could easily pass for 18 or 19.She admitted this to me and I had already started falling for her, now I'm heartbroken. We clicked and she's not legal.On one hand, can we remain friends until she's the proper age which is 17 here? I really like her as she makes me feel young again. Or, is she looking for a father figure for her child?The biological father is unknown to me and she won't tell me anything about him.She won't get an abortion and she's not sure about adoption. She's not sure what to do.I have'nt met any of her family or friends since I now believe I've gotten in a clandestine relationship and she's not telling anyone.What should I do?we've become good friend's and I want to keep it that way.I know there's a huge age difference but it does'nt seem to matter.Please don't call me a pedo or call her jailbait or any other stupid shit a lot of self serving people tend to do.I'm none of those things.The only thing I'm guilty of is kissing her and it was a mutual kiss.What would be the best thing to do?I already feel as if I've lost something and I'm heartbroken.I don't need professional help I need honest opinions anonomously from the people.
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abortion, divorce, heartbroken, kissing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ObsessiveElley +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Well, coming from a 17 year old girl who is totally/madly/deeply in love with a 46 year old man.. don't think there is anything pedophile about liking a girl if she is of age..Tha fact that this chick is pregnant..that makes things worse..that would make you look bad cuz it would make you look lik eyou did it..but as for the pedophile goes..you can't help who you fall in love with nor are you suppose to..God never said anything about tat in the bible..and i never heard other religious beliefs talk about age either..
I think she doesnt know what she wants at 15..so this is an unhealthy relationship..the reason why i say this is because she is already pregnant..i'd say no no..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): A wise decision, on the whole.
Cheer up, lad. She isn't the only girl out there. Keep getting out there and on the dating scene and another woman will be along soon enough.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I appreciate the frank responses from everyone.
But as I wrote this I knew the answer, I was just in denial.
We talked today and I explained that this is not an appropiate relationship.
She understood and we parted company.
It just was'nt meant to be and I don't want to be known as a child predator of which I'm not.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2008):
 You ask what would be the best thing to do, but as middle aged man I think you already know. I agree totally with the first aunt, you can't really be expecting anything but negative responses to this because it's a negative situation. There's no fool like an old fool, leave the child alone and you won't be one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I think your traveling on raw eggs here. First her age. Only friends can still pose a problem for you and the legal system.
The other problem is that both of you have serious needs. The old saying: misery loves company!
Personally, if I were in your shoes, a quick face slap to myself would be in order as a wake up call. Remaining friends is one thing, trying to help her, your treading rough roads ahead, and this is because of the legal system, and the state of mind your both in.
If you haven't resolved for yourself, the issues from your divorce, you may try to over compensate in the next relationship, so be very careful, and spend time alone to search for these answers, and make sure there aren't any loose ends from the past before you get to involved with someone else, for actions in the now, can trigger past issues to become current problems.
Good luck, and be safe!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): No matter how much you guys think you've fallen for each other, I think you know, deep down in your heart, that this type of relationship could never work out. You'll be forcing her to grow old before her time.. There's reasons why people sometimes look down on big age gaps - its because they're so hard to keep strong, you want and need different things. She needs to be with guys her own age. If you really care about her, you'll let her go..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Sir,I do not mean to be rude or harsh but it appears to me that you could use a direct answer to your question. As a man of 42, you cannot come onto a site, describe a completely inappropriate situation, and tell people not to tell you its inappropriate. Not only is it inappropriate, but as a US citizen, it is illegal and you could go to prison. You seem to be in a delusion that what you are doing is somehow alright or that it doesn't have abusive effects on this girl.How exactly do you see this playing out? As a 42 year old grown man, do you see yourself going to her 9th Grade homeroom to pick her up for a date? Do you plan to one day attend her high school graduation and befriend her other 17 year old friends someday? Or do you expect her to be deprived of her developmental years and pretend to act like she is 40 as well? While you may have some connection, either emotionally or physically, do you not see how the massive practical problems (and legal consequences) put you in two different worlds where neither of you belong? My advice is to cherish that you were able to make a human connection with another person and that may help you in overcoming your divorce. It was lovely, it happened, but you can't rob this little girl of the stages of her life. She is so far away from understanding adult relationships and respect. Your actions smack of selfishness and narcissism. Take the good part and remember it always, then pull your head out of your ass and realize that you are dating a 15 year old girl whose brain and body are still developing and who hasn't even finished puberty! Do you want to end up on the sex predator list? Jeese, the world does not want of single women.Her actions are also completely unacceptable. But that's not her fault because...she is 15. Her motivations are irrelevant, because at the end of the day, you are solely responsible, as the adult, for both of your mistakes. I am not judging you, we all form connections with those we shouldn't, but look at the situation and think about the enormous danger in which you put both yourself and this young girl. If you cared about her, you would encourage her to find someone to help her with her pregnancy and get out of her life for her own sake.
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