A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have noticed that so many people (me included) are suffering when it comes to love. Maybe we are just doing all the wrong things. Maybe there is more to love than pure chance.One way to be successfull I've heard is to pay attention to what successfull people do and then do the same. So My question is to all you people who feel happy in love, how did it happen? Where did you meet? When? Do you feel passionate about them? Have they ever cheated on you? Have you? Did you have any relationships before that? What was your state of mind when you met? How did you look? What did you do? Did they chase you or you them? Did you play games (acting hard to get etc)? How long have you been in the relationship? Are you both happy or just you? Are you sure it is truly love or have you convinced yourself it is just to be in a secure relationship? What type of personality do you and your partner have? How good looking are you? How good looking is your partner? What is the key to your success?My questions might not even be the right questions because I have never had a happy relationship so I'm clueless. But I would really appreciate it if you would write diown all the details about how you met and how you continued to make it work. In a safe manner ofcourse - you wouldn't want to put personal info on the net. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): Hi Anonymous,Sorry to hear you are "suffering" when it comes to love. I don't think you are doing the wrong things at all. You can be perfect and be with the wrong one. Before I met my SO, I loved the song by Michael Buble: "I just haven't met you yet". I KNEW he was out there, and I KNEW one day he would appear. It may have taken time, but I was prepared to wait however long it took as I didn't want to settle for anything less than what I KNEW love could and should be. I hope you too experience great love one day soon, we all deserve it :) Thank you for giving us an opportunity to share about ourselves and why we feel happy in love. -How did it happen? Pure chance! After a 6 month break from social activities and people, the 1st invite I accepted was to very good friends of mine I had known for YEARS. While I was there, a relative of theirs dropped by (unannounced) with her son who was driving. After they left he called back asking to speak to me, and asked me for my number :) At the time I had a prospective guy online who had shown interest, and twice that evening I mentioned my online interest, yet that didn't deter Mr Wonderful from pursuing me nonetheless. He called me the NEXT evening, we organised an outting a few days later, and have been together since!Where did you meet? At mutual friends home. We still can't believe we both knew them for so long, and had never crossed paths before, or been told about one another. When it's meant to be, it's meant to be!When? 2010Do you feel passionate about them? Very much. He is my everything :) After ALL this time, I still get excited to hear his voice, I still get weak at the knees when he touches me. I am attracted to everything about him. His smile, his voice, his laugh, his hands, his body. Also his intelligence, wit, sense of humour and character.Have they ever cheated on you? No.Have you? No.Did you have any relationships before that? Yes, many years before. The guy ended up being a liar and cheat, and even though I thought I had put it behind me and moved on, only when I was in this safe, happy relationship did the "pandoras box" open to reveal I had hurts from then that needed healing. Having someone understanding, experienced and easy to talk to, we share everything, and I was able to bit by bit put the past behind me for good. You can move on, you can pretend it never happened, but it needs processing, healing and then forgetting. It's meant a lot of personal discovery and personal growth for me and us together, so it's been wonderful (a blessing in disguise).What was your state of mind when you met? As I said, I had been re-charging myself as I tend to be a good listener, and like to help people and once in a while I need "me" time to re-charge. I had just come back to "life" when we met, so I was happy, excited, positive, energetic, etc. I was feeling confident, sociable as I had joined a female exercise group and was getting a lot of compliments from everyone I know because I had lost weight and looked great. How did you look? Happy, confident and great. It was at friend's home, so I had jeans and a denim jacket(cold). A nice top, boots and long healthy hair and the as always, SMILE on my face. What did you do? Nothing except BE MYSELF. This is VERY IMPORTANT. Always when I met someone I liked, I got uncomfortable trying to hide I like them, etc. However, that evening, because I had the online guy who seemed to be interested, I was waiting to see how that would pan out, so I was RELAXED that evening not expecting anything. I was aware he was attractive, had a very beautiful friendly smashing SMILE, and I remember thinking to myself: "hey, you have the online guy who is interested, don't mess it up" so I didn't flirt, didn't make any effort except to be friendly and totally MYSELF. I think that is what made the difference. I acted like he was a friend with my other friends, not a potential. When we had our first outting (by then online guy disappeared without even knowing I had met someone new) I had planned our outting to be as friends, but when we met up, he made his intentions very clear. He was well prepared, he did a few things which totally impressed me, and it was his personality, character and intelligence, coupled with the laughs we had and always have, that left me knowing there was mutual interest from the start! He was very clear, he was consistent, he showed his interest up front, and stayed consistent throughout. I never had a doubt, and it led to our automatic and instant relationship. Did they chase you or you them? I'm old fashioned that way, so he chased, which I loved. He got my number, and HE called, he made the arrangements, he arranged the place, and was very much the man, which I love :)Did you play games (acting hard to get etc)? Not at all. I am very straight forward, and people always know where they stand with me. So when he showed interest, I was equally interested. If he asked me out, I went. If he called, I answered. If he text, I replied. So after both of us having experienced liars and cheats in our past, we were both a breath of fresh air to each other. We were getting back, what we were giving, and it was awesome!How long have you been in the relationship? Almost going on 2 years now :) Are you both happy or just you? Both happy.Are you sure it is truly love or have you convinced yourself it is just to be in a secure relationship? It's really true love. As I said, I waited a long time, and didn't settle for just anyone. I also never "dated" just to have someone. He is THE ONE. I knew that quite soon. When people my whole life have said: "you will know when it's the right one" I always wanted specifics, but it's true. When you know, you know. There is a sense of peace. A sense of knowing. A sense that you have known each other before? A sense that you can see forever with that person. He is also the first man I dated who I wanted and could see myself having children with. I never had that inkling with anyone else before. What type of personality do you and your partner have? While I am passionate, loyal, trustworthy, love with a fierce devotion, a romantic, generous, caring, discerning, magnetic to others, need a man who is stronger than me, choose my friends carefully, determined and have strong willpower; he is patient, practical, consistent, is subtle about showing his love – prefers to show it through actions, worships family ties, gentle and caring, like a coconut – tough on the outside with a soft heart. We are a good match! How good looking are you? This is subjective, so I'll go with what I've been told by others, male and female. I'm beautiful, attractive, sexy.How good looking is your partner? He is gorgeous, attractive and sexy too. At the moment he is overweight and does not feel good about himself, but I still find him sexy and am attracted to all of him, even his stomach. I even took a photo of it and it gets me excited! Pure love :)What is the key to your success?COMMUNICATION. We talk about anything and everything. We have shared our deepest darkest secrets. We are best friends including partners and lovers and everything else. We spend all our time together except when we work. When one of us has an engagement without the other, there is trust, patience and understanding. We miss each other when we are apart, and are always most happy when we are together. When we are together, we have a lot of laughs. Even though life has it's ups and downs, and we go through some very hard times, being together helps shelter us from the storms and we laugh despite the very hard times sometimes. It gives us balance, strength and security through it all.How do you continued to make it work?Don't settle. Don't take for granted what you have. I'm the one that wears my heart on my sleeve. I always do research and find new ways to appreciate him. He in turn always shows his support, caring and encouragement in everything. We are a team. We have each other's backs. We also have our misunderstandings or moments of being tired, but then we communicate. We say what is bothering us. We always "talk and fix". What really helped me in the beginning stages was when he said he isn't going anywhere. That helped me in terms of security, because I was used to guys lying or saying one thing and doing another. My SO made sure I knew he meant what he said, not through what he said, but through his actions. Over and over, his actions show his character, his love, his devotion. Now I can't wait to go home and HUG and LOVE HIM, as I remember everything of the past almost 2 years all over again :)I long to get married to him and spend forever loving him and appreciating him for who he is, while he in turn makes me the happiest woman on earth :)I hope you too find this kind of love.Good Luck.Best Wishes,"Romantic Anonymous"
A
female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Loving eachother, honesty, open communication, trust, Having a sense of humor and having fun together as friends. Keeping our indivuality yet being a couple with having things in common. Having patients, bringing out the best in eachother, fantastic sexual chemestry ;) ps. you will KNOW when you have met your match. Don't settle for just anyone! :D
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Compramise
Trust
Keeping individuality
Talking
Being there
Respect
Taking the rough and the smooth
FUN, LOVE & great sex
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Thank you Anonymous, Sophia and Tisha for answering.
I think perhaps I wasn't able to explain myself very well. I don't want a way to find love. I really just want to know what happens when you find love. I want to know what was it like for you, did you search desperately for your partner or did it just happen? And when it did happen what did you do in order not to spoil the relationship. I guess I just want to make a survey of successful relationships. I'm sure reading about people's problems can make you wiser but I also think that we shouldn't overlook all the lessons we can learn from good relationships.
Thanks again Tisha for answering all questions :)
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Well, no one knows what the future holds for us. So we cannot really say that what we are now will be the same, say, 2 to 5 years later. But if you ask me about my relationship status right now, I'd say I have never been as happier.How I met my current bf is not how most relationships start. Would you believe, it took me 1 yr to finally agree to seeing this guy I met online. All the time I stood him up, I had initiated fights, we blocked each other for 4 months. I felt he was too handsome for me and was scared he wont like me when he sees me. I was also very much hurt from my ex who I broke up that year due to his cheating.But this guy made an effort to see me and didn't tell me he was coming until I received his call and he was outside of the club where I was.Anyway, that was year 2010 when I finally met him in person which was not my choice. We are still together now and we live together. I have heard a lot of stories from my friends saying that living together would ruin our relationship coz we would then see each one's true color. I knew moving in together was like allowing ourselves to end the relationship. But we are still together and we are more in love than we were when we first met. It's not like everyday was pure bliss..no far from that. But we managed to adjust to each others flaws and had managed to understand each other..we both give and take.If I ask myself how we have come this far ( I thought we won't last 4 months tbh!). Let me share to you my answer which are important points in my relationship. I also could give credit to my ex for teaching me to be a better gf which I was not when i was not with him.1. Respect! Whatever your partner say or do, always respect him. This one I learned from my bf ofcourse, I saw how he respected my opinions and he would always say it nicely if he has some comments.2. Time for yourself. It means if we are both at work, we don't call each other every 10 minutes. We allow each other to focus on our careers. Aside from that, if I say I am going out with friends, he let's me go. I do the same thing, whenever he is with his friends, I don't wait the whole day for him or try to get his attention from them.3. Trust. This one I am still working on as I used to be with a guy who cheated but I have improved a lot (see number 2). But if you don't learn to trust your partner, your imaginations are limitless and you will not be comfortable anytime at all.4. Friendship. We are not only lovers but we are friends as well. We tell each other everything including our fears and our pride. We enjoy just talking or watching. Any nonsense activity is not nonsense to us. There are boring days there are exciting days, we can both cope up.5. Sex. We make love few times a week, though if one is tired from work, no one forces or guilt trips for sex. We both enjoy watching porn and we have a laughing trip watching itThat's all I can think of. We both accept each others flaws physically or even in personality. If we fight, we always talk about it. However, this does not mean our relationship is perfect, it is far from one, our relationship is still young so who knows this is part of the honeymoon phase? But I could tell you, I am very happy right now and our relationship I could say is stronger. However, if in case cheating comes in the way. I won't think twice, I would leave. Good luck to both of us girl!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Wow, you have a lot of questions. I wasn't successful in love until I learned how to communicate with him. I did some reading and some practicing and talked to girlfriends and guy friends for help.
how did it happen?
We were friends and it grew into more. I think he had a crush on me first though.
Where did you meet?
Through mutual friends.
When?
A long time ago now, over 20 years, eek!
Do you feel passionate about them?
That ebbs and flows, to be honest. Some months, yes, some months, no. It balances out.
Have they ever cheated on you?
No.
Have you?
No.
Did you have any relationships before that?
I didn't marry him until my mid 30s, so yes.
What was your state of mind when you met?
I was happy, comfortable in myself, busy with work and friends.
How did you look?
Pretty damn cute. I was in good shape!
What did you do?
We met and spent time in the same group.
Did they chase you or you them?
We did a lot of flirting. I had to ask him out though for the first date. We both knew it would change everything.
Did you play games (acting hard to get etc)?
I wasn't always available but it was an LDR to start, so that helped keep some mystery going. I read, cover to cover, several times, this book that kept me from tanking this relationship: A Fine Romance by Judith Sills, PhD.
How long have you been in the relationship?
Over 20 years
Are you both happy or just you?
I think we both are happy. Again, there are ups and downs.
Are you sure it is truly love or have you convinced yourself it is just to be in a secure relationship?
Oh, it's truly love.
What type of personality do you and your partner have?
He's thoughtful, intelligent, a GREAT listener, sincere and practical. I'm whimsical, energetic, intelligent (I think), loving and inquisitive.
How good looking are you?
Now, I'm looking good. Ask me a few years ago, I was heavy.
How good looking is your partner?
Same
What is the key to your success?
We pay attention, we listen, we respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): There's no right or wrong way to do things, the person you are and the habits you have etc, will be compatible with some people but not others. You just haven't found someone you're compatible with. Just don't go changing yourself to find 'love' and enjoy being single.
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