A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:just a question for the male's, if you could get away with it ,would you cheat on your girlfriend/wife? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all, well i did ask him abit more about what he ment when he said that he thinks of other females while intimate with me, he said he did'nt mean that he thinks of porn stars or any one in prarticular he said he just sometimes had a fantasy of us having a threesome with another female and he though i would think of the same sorta things, he said sorry and said that he did'nt mean it to come out the wrong way or to sound like he wanted to cheat or anything. i asked him if he enjoyed sex with me and he said yes he loves it and i always please him, our sex life for him has only gotten better over the years and he buys me alot of toys, but for me due to his porn viewing iv some what gone off sex, when being intimate with me he has to do alot of foreplay b4 starting because im never in the mood anymore,i use to be a very horny girl, id want sex everyday but the day i found porn it totally crushed me, now i only have sex with him when he wants it, i dont intiate sex anymore because i hate seing my body naked or him seeing it, i once felt sexy and good about myself but i don't anymore, my self esteem b4 i meet my bf was great i was a very confident person and i was happy with my apperance, since then and finding his porn i have little self confidence left and dislike myself alot. he knows all of this and how i feel, i did'nt tell him that most of it was related to his porn viewing but i have told him that it makes me feel like less a women and hurt inside, so instead of saying sorry and removing it he just hides it better :(, but anyway,thanks all for the feed back and everyones thoughs
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): I would never cheat, even if I could get away with it.
I'm just not that kind of person. There are those that would though - only you know which category your guy falls in to.
I think it's pretty bad that he thinks of being with other people whilst being with you. Isn't your lovely body enough for him?
But: it's a very positive sign that he has told you this; he could have kept it to himself.
Maybe you arn't satisfying him properly, that is why he fantasises about being with other people? Or maybe he genuingly DOES want to be with other people. Can you talk about this with him some more? perhaps talk about his fantasies (NOT including being with other people!) and you can accomodate him? Sometimes all it takes is to spruce up the relationship with better sex. I remember going through a bad time in a relationship, we talked about it and we bought some kinky clothes for her to wear, it fixed my mind wondering completely!!
PS I do view porn quite a lot. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with any one else, I just have a lot of sexual urges and don't expect my girlfriend to be there all the time to take care of them :P
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 How did cheating question lead onto porn again?
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reader, Dazzerg +, writes (28 April 2006):
 No I wouldnt. If I was with somebody i would care for them too much to do that too them and if i didnt care about them that much then I shouln't be in a relationship with them. As for porn, I see it as one of those grey areas, it is one of those things where you have to go with the flow of what your partner feels. If they are against it then that is something you should respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): i just want to say i am completly argree with you on the whole porn thing. I see it as a form of cheating, the man is getting pleasure from other women. I split up with my x over it cause it got bad. He started cutting out picture from porn mags and sticking them on the walls, towards the end of the relationship he had tatoos all over his legs and chest of his fav women from the mags, he also did nothing but compare me to the women in the mags and videos: "Why can't your c**t look like this, it's perfect.. etc" please chat back!! its nice to have someone to talk to about it
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): Exactly, it's really all about the trust and opening up your thoughts/feelings. I mean, SO MANY of the problems are DC.org can be solved simply by just talking to each other and listen. Much of it has to do with common sense. Yet the majority of those posters can't quite grasp that ideal for some mindboggling reason. [sigh] Interesting times? Hardly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your thoughts martini, i still dont accept it but oh well like you said it brings flavor to the world.other then this small porn issue the relationship i am in is great, we are best friends and we communicate well and thats probably why he told me in confidence that he thinks of other women sometimes while intimate with me, i know that its not ok from him be thinking about other women but for some reason he thinks this is normal and he thought i would think of other men during sex which is not true, so i guess its his way of thinkingI think in your case you have been open about your porn viewing and have not hid it or lied about it to your ex partners and thats why it has not been an issue but thats you and in most cases its not like that for most couples but i'm sure you probably already know that, like look at all the pornographic issues that are posted on this website , and all the people who are being lied to and there self esteem totally distroyed by there partners lies, and i think that lying is the major problem, if porn viewing is so normal and if everyone else does it, then why do people lie about it then? it just creates trust issues in relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): Well I don't expect anyone to understand. That is why there are always people who are totally against it and those who don't mind it.
Please know that different people use porn for different reasons. If your bf think about other women while being intimate with you, that is a form of cheating, though I wouldn't hold it against him completely. Something has failed or is failing in your relationship when he does that, so you must get to the source to either try to solve the problem(s), or just end it.
When I'm intimate with my companion, there is no way I can think of other women. I even tested it by trying, but nope, no can do.
++i don't see any of those reasons for looking at porn valid,well ill probably never understand why a man needs to look at porn for a quick release++
As I said, it's a physical release - from tension, from stress, just a quick bit of pleasure. Like why would you consider going to a bar to have a pint of the black stuff, or go to the race track to have a quick round of speed?
I'm sure there are quite a lot of people who will not accept this, but well, that's alright. It gives the world 'flavor'.
++i just don't see it as a good enough reason to destroy a womens self esteem.++
As for a woman's self esteem - it never affected any of my ex's, because they know what I think about when I look at porn, and it's not about the girl in the video either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni still don't get it martini, i don't see any of those reasons for looking at porn valid,well ill probably never understand why a man needs to look at porn for a quick release , i just don't see it as a good enough reason to destroy a womens self esteem.
my bf told me he thinks of other females when we are intimate, and i beleive our relationship was great until he started looking at porn, so i must have been doing something wrong to make it turn to porn?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2006): Well, it depends on 'how' you use porn. For me, when I had an intimate partner, I use porn like a product - basically a quick-sexual stimuli to help me get off. After I am done, I don't think about it. It's like playing a game, or eating some junk food, or have a beer. I treat it as a product. Whatever those porn stars are doing as people, I don't give a hoot about.
If you think about, someone like me who has a high sex drive can't always go to my partner for sex. When I do have sex with my partner, it's an emotional as well as a physical thing. I don't think about porn stars when I'm doing it with my partner, and more often than not, when I'm masturbating to porn, I think about my partner when I reach my climax.
Mind you, my partner did know that I see porn once awhile. I don't keep it a secret from her. When things became worst and worst between us, that's when I mb'd to porn more. When things were really good between us, I didn't even look at porn. Just like drinking alcohol - the better the relationship, the less harmful things I do to myself. Understand? Not that porn is harmful per se...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): I'm not a man, but have just been the other woman !!! Emotions get tangled up in all sorts of weird & wacky ways. I split with my partner for this fling, lost half my family, all of my friends and to top it all of after a year of living together he's gone back home - for the child of course!!! Pull the other one, its got brass bells on it! And if you do venture down the path, just remember karma (what comes around, goes around 3 fold) and just hope you dont mix with some bunny boiler that confesses all to your partner. Its not worth the hassel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for there feed back on my question, some very intresting comments, i am curious martini, you brough up the topic of porn, im intrested why do men surf for porn? id really like to know the answer along with many of other women. i do see cheating as a cruel and hurtful thing to do to someone and i would never do it myself, and when it comes to porn i see it as a form of cheating but thats just my point of view and that will never change but anyway i asked this question just to see what kind of response there would be. i did read about a national survey taken by men in america and 36% said that they would cheat if they could get away with it,scary huh but i also noticed alot of women replying to this question, so id like to know if women would cheat if they could get away with it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2006): there is not such thing as getting away from cheating..later or sooner it will actually come out and it is going to damage the relationship... if you don't care about loosing ur relationship/or marriege, then cheat; otherwise stay clean...I am not a man, but my man cheated on me and belive me it was not never the same afterward.. I eventually lost interest... Good women don't like unrespectful behaviors from men...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Actually, I confess I think about this from time to time. I am sure I can find someone to cheat with but when I put myself in that sort of mental imagery, I can't do it. It's really a part of my childhood upbringing - thanks to my father and the overall influence my relatives on my mom's side had on me.
Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world - 3 steps down from seeing a friend or family pass from this world.
I'm sure the fantasy of banging someone you desire in an ultimate physical sense is fantastic, but considering that emotions make up a major part of some people's psyche, I believe for myself especially, I won't be able to do it.
Now you may wonder, what about porn? Why do men surf for porn. I can give you a generic answer to that, but I won't, cuz it's not all true - meaning it's too general. Then again, this thread isn't about porn... 8]
Aside from that, what if you're pissed drunk and a very sexy, very attractive woman comes along - then what? I am sure that's very difficult to hold back on. Then again, I don't get drunk in the presence of questionable people. Mhm...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Not a man. But in a dead end boring marriage. And yes I would if I could get away with it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): NO ! I would never cheat. I see it as probably the worst thing a person could do to their mate. Relationships start and finish all the time. If you're not in love, end it. At least you can hold your head high. I imagine the pain it causes is horrible for the person cheated on.
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