A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A question for all the men out there. If a man in a relationship (no married/no children) likes/loves another woman but tells her, after the first kiss, about his relationship and that he 'cannot leave her' (meaning, the official partner), is there any chance he is going with time to change his mind and find the strength/courage to quit his partner for the other woman ? This is a question especially for men who have found themselves in this situation... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): with the statistics that only 3-12% of married men who are having affairs ever leave their marriages for the affair partner, what do the other 88-97% of cheating men do? Magically become happier in their marriages and stop cheating? (unlikely). stay miserably married the rest of their lives while craving someone else? (how sad and tragic is that)If you are involved with a man who says he loves you but "cannot leave her" I think you should ask him WHY he 'cannot' leave her. What are his priorities in life, his values, his attitudes toward what marriage should or shouldn't be? Are they the same as yours?It is not that something is forcing him to stay. He is choosing to stay because he is unwilling to lose something or to have to deal with something. It is basically due to fear of some sort. Making any major life change is bound to have trade offs - you have to give up something in order to gain something else. it is natural to fear giving up something or having some undesirable consequences happen. Find out what it is that he fears. Then see if you can come up with solutions or if he can learn to face that fear and accept the undesirable consequences with courage with the knowledge that it is for the best in the long run (we presume). Will what he gains (a new relationship, a new life with someone new) be worth it? that is the big question. But that is always an unknown. The current marriage is at least a known entity even if it is very unhappy. The new relationship is unknown because it is untested. How can you compare what you know with what you don't know in order to choose between them? It is like comparing apples and oranges.
A
male
reader, Lorab  +, writes (5 November 2010):
i had a an affair wit a married man he had no kids i have two mine and his marriages were unhappy, First we tried to break the affair off as he told me the truth is he can never leaver her(the wife) i didn't know if i could leave my husband but in the end love got the better of us he left her i left my husband but i knew there was still a bond between him and his ex wife although no kids there and i couldn't bear my kids being unhappy so i am back with my husband and he feels safe with the ex wife so he'll try to work his relationship out with her as she still loves him. Don't know what the moral of the story is maybe when relationships like this form there always will be trust issues and the people that cheat are very likely to love their current partners only feel unloved or unappreciated so they look for what they are missing outside but when they go to leave most of the time their current partner changes or at least tries to and goes to give them all they didn't so it messes with their mind they are normally sent on a giult trip every oportunity possible and they either give in and stay or go back after a while in any case relationship build behind somebody's back is not very likely to work. I can't tell u to get out while it's time as i couldn't but just live with the thought enjoy while it last the rest is dreams that almost never come true
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): My understanding is that of men who have affairs, only 3% end up married to the other woman, and of those marriages 75% end in divorce.
So, your chances are as follows (assuming the statistics are correct).
3 in 100 chance of ending up married to him.
Only 1 in 100 chance (slightly less) that you will stay married to him...
So, in the end, whether he leaves the "current woman" for the "affair partner" or not, it is highly unlikely that he will be with you in the end when you draw your last breath on this earth, or he does.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I am not a man but I have read the stats.
12 percent.
Apparently only 12 percent of men who have an affair end up with actually leaving their wife to be with their mistress.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 You speak as though he is imprisoned within his current relationship. Does he still love his actual girlfriend? How can you be sure that he does indeed LOVE you? Is there truly a strong bond between you or is it merely a fantasy. Usually, a man never wants to leave his current relationship but then, there are those handful of men who are not dedicated to anyone. How do you know he will not simply abandon you like he did his current girlfriend if he does in fact leave her.
Move on and save everyone the trouble of bearing hatred and anger toward each other. Do not birth resentment because of some sordid desire you have for a man who is unwilling to leave someone he presumably does not love anymore. If he was sure there was nothing between him and his current girlfriend, he would have left already. Do not tamper with this.
I hope that helps.
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