A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the guys that ever let their significant others go because they were "confused", had personal issues, unsure about their life, scared, afraid of feeling vulnerable, liked them "too much" or for any other similar INTERNAL reason, what did you eventually decide, how long did it take you to figure things out and what did you realize at the end?I dont want to boggle the question down with the specifics of my life, just a general curiosity on why guys go through this phase, whats the result of it and if the girls actions (other than space) can or should play any part in it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I think for a lot of men (and women too, don't get me wrong on this one) there is a big leap from being a boyfriend to being a husband. And I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek, so keep that in mind too.
Boyfriends:
get to set their own schedules without consulting anyone
can hang out with their buddies with little nagging from the women in their life
spend money the way they see fit
can stay up all hours playing video games or playing poker or just generally doing whatever they feel like at the moment
don't have to clean the house or do laundry until they darn well feel like it, or they've run out of underwear altogether
don't have to take 'constructive criticism' from anyone but their mothers
can bide their time until an even better girl comes along
Husbands:
have to report in on their day and account for their time and money spent
will be expected to listen to long conversations and discussions about the minutiae of daily life
have to put the seat down on the toilet
can't decide to buy a really cool car/gadget/gizmo/flat screen TV without a really good explanation or some silent resentment
have to put up with really irritating family members on her side
have to deal with the notion that they will never again have sex with anyone else ever again
That's just a start, but there are lots of reasons why it's difficult for a man (or a woman...) to make that final leap from dating to true full commitment. For some, the gap is too wide.
Hope this helps this 'big question'!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Ya, Whoa, BIG question.
The only thing that I can add from my own perspective is that if you are unhappy enough to want to end the relationship, you should do so before you have kids, which complicates the hell out of leaving for everyone involved. I know a friend who stayed in an unhappy relationship "because of the kids" and wound up leaving after they were grown, and I'm not sure that he did himself or anyone else any favors by staying for that long. They were all still hurt and disappointed, and he had been miserable for years! So, there wasn't really any point in delaying the inevitable, only a LOT of regrets.
Try to live your life by conducting yourself with dignity and respect for yourself and those around you - and try to live without regrets. Do the right thing. If you don't love her, let her go before you wind up cheating or having an emotional affair because you love someone else. I hope that this had some relevance for you and what you were asking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I cannot answer this question, but try to read the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; it does help to give slight insight!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Strewth! That's a hell of a question!
I guess it's easier to put up a smokescreen of excuses rather than say something like "You're fat and ugly and I don't fancy you any more, but you were a good bonk when there was nothing else around". If he thinks that, you're history, and there ain't a lot you can do about it.
Men can be very shallow creatures at times.
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