A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had my period for about a month and a half. My daughter's dad wanted to work things out, again. I thought about it for awhile. So, I decided to give it another chance. He wanted to get married, move in together, have another child...one big happy family. When he asked me for his rights back as our daughter's dad, I said no. I can never be too careful. He started to flip out. So, he said don't call him anymore. He's was the one calling me, texting me wanting to work this out. I told him okay. I called him about a week later telling him I took the pregnancy test and it came out positive, twice. I told him. He told him it wasn't cool. So, he said don't call him until the baby is born and we'll be going to court to fight for custody of the child. I am getting ready to relocate. I am debating not to tell him. For the child's sake, should I tell him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as rights being given over, in my case, he left a message stating that. I recorded the message, gave a copy of it to my lawyer, he typed up the stipulation, turned it in to the court for the judge to sign and in which the judge did sign it, and a copy of it was mailed to him and myself.
He will not see his daughter. He will not continue to come back in her life and then leave when he decides to. That's unhealthy for a child. She's only 2 year. She's already asking me is her dad coming or daddy. I just change the subject. I am not allowing him to hurt my daughter's feelings, again. It's not going to work.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Let me ask you this, just to make sure you didn't spend any money that didn't need to be spent for the "Termination of Rights." After having it signed by both parties and visiting the notary, your lawyer did set up a court hearing to modify custody, correct?
If not the agreement you and he signed is not valid. The law does not allow two parents, after a court order has been issued, agree among themselves, without having the order submitted to the judge for approval and to assure the agreement falls within the child custody statutes.
This is something to remember. When a judge issues an order, it takes a judge to modify or make changes to the order. If an attempt to make a contractual agreement between the natural parents is drawn up and not submitted to the judge, then whichever court order was issued within proper jurisdiction remains in full, legally binding affect. Therefore, if you move without giving notice required by statute to the natural father, you could be found in contempt of court, then you'd have to travel all the way back to your current home state to see the judge. That's the hard part, they retain jurisdiction since they issued the original order.
I do understand how you feel. I would never knowingly recommend a child to an area that potentially harms them. At the beginning of the year I get to begin going to court. I'm volunteering for an organization where I'll represent children who have been subjected to some of the most horrifying abuse and neglect. Hard, but someone has to do it.
If he's asking to see his child, I'd at lease hear him out and what his intentions are. I'd become irate too if my kids mom said I couldn't see them. That's a reaction that's expected.
Make sure whatever you do, it's in the best interest of your child, not out of personal feelings or lack of for him. You may not like him, but when it comes to your child's rights, that really doesn't matter.
If you do end up going back to court for any reason. I recommend not mentioning the notarized agreement. Judges really don't like having their orders disregarded. In that area their a bit touchy.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice and sharing your personal situation with me.
To make a long story short, I was so tired of having the burden put on me as the sole provider for the family including his two kids from his first marriage. He got kicked out of the navy, went to the brig (military prison/detention center) for a few months. During this time, I was pregnant, working full time, dropping his kids off and picking them up from school, his son was in sports (picking him up late because his out of town game is either couple of hours out or less) taking care of the household, paying the bills and the list goes on. EXHAUSTED is what I was. When he got out, things changed for the better....for about 6 months. Depression of losing his career in the navy in which he could have retired this past February with completing 18 years with retirement pay with full military benefits and at the same time working on base with receiving all of that. Then he decided to make him feel better he decides to sleep with his sons best friends mom. I trusted him. She and her kids would come over while her husband is working or watching a football game. Another situation, he cheats on me, again with a 17 year old girl. He decides to bring her over to our home while I am work and he is suppose to be looking for a job.
He would let his son spend the night over at his girlfriends house, now this is most often. I am pretty sure both are sexually active. I think his girlfriend is pregnant. Both in high school. As far as his 8 year old daughter, he would push her off to one of her friends to spend the weekend at. I would say something to him about both situations but he sees it as giving us time to spend together. However, this would be almost an every weekend thing. It felt great but when I brought up the situation again, he would say he needs some quiet time. He would drink couple to a few bottles of alcohol to get to the point of relaxation. At times we would get into arguments and sometimes, my daughter would be with my mom for the weekend.
Anyhow, I took him to court for child custody. We agreed on 50/50 custody. Things went okay until he decided he didn't want to help me pay for our daughters medical bills because he believed since the Navy paid for her birth, he shouldn't have to pay for anything else. The judge ordered him to pay half of all and any expense of our daughter comes across. He was pissed!!! SO, I made copies of all of our daughter's bills, what I paid for, etc. I told him to come pick up his copies. He never showed up so he decided to come to my place of employment, unannounced and started an argument. He said he was going to take our daughter to where he's from and theres nothing I can do about that. He started threatening me. He banged on my window, walked in my office and demanded his copies of the bills. I told him to leave before I called the base cops. He stood their like he didn't hear me. So, I picked up my phone and call the cops. He left and not even 2 minutes, the base police showed up. They took my report. I filed a restraining order on and off base.
We went back to court. The judge threw out the restraining order. He was banned from the base, he lost his job and his security clearance from any military installation because of his actions. I had a witness say what she experienced and heard him say to the caregivers and do while our daughter was at daycare. The judge ordered me physical custody with joint legal. Every Wednesday visitation for three hours and every other weekend. This went well until he asked me if I wanted him to give up his rights as her dad. I said it would be nice. So, he called me about a few weeks later, I didn't pick up. The message stated if giving up his rights is what I wanted, he'll do it. So, I had my lawyer do the proper paper work, he voluntarily met me at the notary, signed the papers and his words were FREEDOM!!! Out of my life.
I agree with the last statement you made...they can say all they want about me, but mess with my child.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
What rights does he have, established by a court? Does he take part in any visitation? Has court established custody? If not, by law, knowing who the father is, court and establishing paternity has to take place. Everything you do, every decision you make you have to set your feelings aside and go by the best interest of your child. If you don't and it goes to court, you'd be fairly SOL. Courts don't work well with bad decisions.
If you haven't gone to court to establish paternity. You have to get that done. Relocating, especially not telling him, if their is not an order allowing this action can be viewed as malicious behavior, and is a prosecutable offense.
Remember this is a child, not a pawn, and not a tool to get back at someone else.
Let me give you a quick true story. Mom had baby, didn't tell dad he had a child, she moved and kept it from him until their child reached 12. At that time, she ran into her ex, and he did the numbers and found out it was his. He executed an order for a DNA test, tested positive. He now has a wonderful relationship with his daughter, but for almost 10 year their daughter hated her mom for causing her to loose out on that much time with the father.
She did this because she didn't like the dad. But when having children, It really doesn't matter how you feel about anyone as long as you do what's in your child's best interest.
I've seen it in court where one parent is bashing the other one and it really looks like the judge just wants to yell out "I don't give a shit about how you feel about your ex, now lets focus on this child." I know it's hard to do sometimes, but when there is a child involved it's an absolute, and there is no excuse if it's not in your child's best interest.
I have children myself. My ex relocated and didn't tell me for about 6 months she had left. She still lives 1000 miles a way and our daughter needs one of those nose things because she's snoring up a storm right next to me as I type this. It cost me six thousand dollars, but every penny well spent.
People can mess with me all they want, but I don't stand messing with my children.
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