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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Have any of you had affairs after you became committed to a person, but before getting married? If so, what were the reasons? Was it ever revealed or did you keep it a secret forever? How do you feel about it now that you are married? Does it drag you down or do you feel like it was just something you did to feel good at the time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): I've never cheated in any respect so I can't tell you why people do. I do know that a friend of mine did while on holiday and he was engaged at the time. He was very drunk (no excuse) and ended up having sex with someone else.
He is happily married now with kids to the woman he cheated on. I'm the only person who knows. He decided at the time that his relationship was more important than to let his fiance be hurt by telling her, because he would grin and bear the guilt for the rest of his life to make her happy, to atone for what he did as she is the most important person in his life. She'd always maintained that if it happened if it was a stupid mistake, one that would not be repeated that she'd really rather not know. She has told me that lots of times in the past.
He's never had to lie to her because she's never asked, the thought that he has ever done that has never come to her mind. He was never unsure of how much he loved her and wanted to be with her, just in that moment of crazy drunkenness he made a bad choice. The way he viewed it is he wasn't going to let her find out because he was the one who wronged her, he could not compound that by telling her too, it would have doubled the wrong because that one crazy night only meant that she could trust him even more, because he promised himself not to even be in a room alone with another woman even when drunk. He knows what he did was wrong and while it took him a good while to get over it, he only needs to look at his kids faces and the fact they may not exist now, and the happiness that is his life and marriage to know he made the right decision.
It doesn't haunt him anymore, does he regret it? no, but he will always wish he hadn't done it. But he decided to put it behind him and enjoy life. to see the positives and know truly that he could never do it again.
Kind of strange really because I helped him through it and helped him decide a lot of this and see it that way. But for me personally, I'd rather know if my partner did that so i could dump them and never look back.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 It's actually fairly common for people to cheat around big commitments. They get scared, panic, and do something to reaffirm their freedom or to try to convince themselves what they're doing isn't that big a deal. That doesn't make it OK or right, but it does happen.
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