A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over someone you love? It just seems so impossible at this point. I've been in a long distance relationship on and off for about a year and a half! I've never met him in person.(And were only 5 hours away from each other. I know that's crazy) In the beginning I really cared for him, but everytime we would argue or disagree he would explode! He would call me every name in the book and just disrespected me so bad. So I would back off. There were few times he has bought plane/bus tickets to come visit but something would come up on my end or his end so it just never happened. Somehow throughout all the fights and not speaking for weeks at a time , we would always end up back in each other lives. Because he would always disrespect me it was hard to believe he loved me or cared for me so I kind of gave up on ever meeting him. I was scared! I was scared that if I were to meet him, he would be this disrespectful jerk to me but then I also wondered well if I meet him maybe his attitude will change and become better like he's always promised. Well one day he called me after not speaking to me for about a week after we had a disagreement. So he calls and he's like, " you know I'm tired of all the bullshit. I love u with all my heart. We need to quit with the games and make it happen. I want to be with you. your're my best friend. I'm getting older (27) and I have no time for games anymore. you should just move in with me. I'll take care of you. Don't worry about anything.it will just be us two. You can go to school and find a job here. I promise I won't hurt you. I swear I'll do right by you .I wouldnt be saying this if I didn't mean it." so he basically sold me this story about how he wants to be in a committed physical relationship with me and I fell for it. I believed it all. I felt like why would he say this to me if he didn't mean it. It was so not his personality to be sweet. Maybe every now and then but not like this. Some of the things he said that night he has never said before. So I planned to go visit first and then make a final decision on whether I was going to move in.. He wanted things to happen within that week of him asking me but I couldnt take off work until a month and in a month it was going to be his birthday so I felt it was a perfect timing for me to visit..so after telling my closest friends about the news they all thought it was a good idea. One of my co workers who is much older than I am overheard and was saying how I should stay home and finish school because if something were to happen with my boyfriend and I, he could legally kick me out and I would have nowhere to go and she was saying how he's not my husband and he's not obligated to take care of me.. She was right. But at the same time she doesn't know him or our relationship. Even though I didn't ask for her input I appreciated her opinion. so I tell my bf what she says and he gets really upset. Which I can understand why but I just wanted to let him know that I did have some concerns. I just wanted him to understand I don't know anyone out there but him so I really needed him to be there for me no matter what.. Well as days go by we were arguing because I started feeling like maybe he started talking to someone else because at night if I were to say something he didn't like, he would hang up on me and I would call him back literally 50 times and he wouldn't pick up so that made me think there was someone else. why couldn't he just stay on the phone and try to talk things out? I prayed to God to show me signs and help me make a good decision about him because I found myself falling deeper in love with him as time got closer for me to visit. I was really taking us seriously at this point. More serious than i ever have before. well one day, after 2 weeks of me planning to go see him And me really wanting to move in with him he breaks up with me. he tells me our relationship isn't real. It's been this long and we still haven't met (which does suck but he knew that when he got back with me) how he doesn't love me. How he thought he did. and basically how I don't need to move in since I'm listening to my co worker bullshit. I was crushed! How could he!what do I do. After saying you love me for damn there a year and a half and begging me to move in, he goes and says that. maybe there us someone else like I thought. Is there something im to blind to see? Am I being naive. Should I still go try to see him. I love this man but he hurt me. How do I get closure. What should I do? Please help. It hurts me just writing about it!
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female
reader, cheers  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 He doesn't show any respect and already reject you. Pls don't visit or begging him anymore
Why do you make life so miserable? Not worth it! Forget him.Start new begining.Take this as learning experience,so don't make same mistakes. At least you know what to expect for next future partner
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 you will get over this. start by making a list of all the bad things about him - his attitude, the nasty names he called you, the fact that you were kind of afraid to go and see him because he is a nasty person etc - i'm sure you can think of loads of things. keep the list with you and read it back to yourself whenever you are feeling sad that you broke up.
i don't like the way that he has been really disrespectful to you but then promised you the world while he tried to get you to move to his place. he was willing to let you scrap your studies and your life at home to go to him, what would happen then?? a magic wand that would take away all his bad behaviour?? - i don't think so!
he is acts like a spoilt brat teenage boyfriend. if he has not matured by age 27, then i don't think there is much hope for him, sorry.
sounds like he has kept you on a piece of string for long enough, being horrible and pushing you away but then being saying sweet things to reel you back in. i know it hurts now but one day you will realise he has actually done you a favour by letting you go!
i reckon this is not the last you have heard from him. i am sure it is another one of his tantrums and he will be back when he thinks he has punished you enough. i only hope that when he does come back you will have found the strength of character that you will be able to tell him where to go.
you really need to look at your own behaviour though or else things like this are going to hamper you all your life. DO NOT TOLERATE verbal abuse and bad behaviour, especially from a guy you have not even met up with. you must have self esteem problems if you are letting someone treat you like this. i hope you can get help for those problems. this guy thinks you are a walkover and others will too if you don't change.
get to the root of WHY you accept this treatment from people. improve yourself
x
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A
female
reader, angelic08 +, writes (13 August 2011):
 We are facing a very similar situation. I know this might not help at all but I truly feel how you feel. My boyfriend of a year and a half who lives a world apart from me did the same thing to me. He said he loved me so much and he wanted me to move in with him, and we've never met in person. The problem lies with my parents who have been so concerned about me moving there, to a land I've never been and this is reasonable why they do so. I'm still struggling with the fact that if I don't make the move, we'll end up breaking up. And through times we've been in too many arguments and fights about that. It hurts my feeling thinking that a guy out there told me he loved me yet he doesn't want to make the move me yet insist me to do it on my own. That's a selfish decision there yet I can't seem to get over him. I really hope we both will find a way out. You are not alone.Best regards.
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