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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm seeing this guy but all it is is for sex. We have been seeing each other for a year now but i am starting to like him now. The problem is we have been on one proper date but i wanna know how to find out if he realy actually likes me or not. Please help!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 It seems like almost every no strings attached sex only relationship comes to this sooner or later. One person ends up wanting more. The other aunts are unfortunately right, it is hard to move from this to a 'normal' relationship.
There are lots of reasons for this, but the main one is (in my opinion) that once a man has labelled you in his mind as 'just casual sex' then it is very hard for him to see you as girlfriend material. Men unfortunately tend to categorize women, and these two categories are usually mutually exclusive. Another way of seeing it is (very hypocritically) that men don't want the kind of girl willing to have a casual-sex relationship as a 'proper' girlfriend. It's the double standard in action.
The best you can do is to stop having sex with him and then tell him you want a serious relationship. You have to in essence reset the clock and start over: imagine the two of you have never been together. Just make sure he demonstrates sufficient commitment and 'relationship-behaviour' before you have sex with him again, or he'll realize he can keep on getting the sex without the strings attached.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): I agree with Irish.
There is one way to find out how he feels about you. Stop the sex and say you want a relationship.
I would be inclined to say it won't work too. I'm sorry to sound harsh but; why would he now want a relationship with you when you've given him no-strings-attached sex for a whole year?
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Now you have feelings for him, it's a good idea for the sex to stop until you know how he feels. The emotional attachment has changed and so you can no longer expect just to carry on as you were. If he feels the same perhaps you could start from the beginning and go out without sleeping together and then take it slowly. If he doesn't feel the same, walk away or you will get hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): This is so sad for you, hun. I think it was a mistake to sleep with him and continue having sex, without any form of committment from this man. The only way I can see you finding out how he really feels about you, is to ask him. But just remember, quite often it can be hard to backtrack out of a casual sexual relationship and move into an 'exclusive' committed relationship. I think a purely sexual relationship lacks meaningfulness, respect and depth, that is needed to move it to the next step and it's really a heartbreaking situation because there is no commitment at the cost of a girl's heart and emotions. If he's content with just having sex with you and nothing more, then it's likely he may feel---nothing in return. If you do talk to him.. it's quite likely he won't take to the idea. I wish you luck, though. Take care
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