A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i made the biggest mistake of my life.when i visited where my parents had lived, i had met all my cousins that i hadn't seen since i was 2. one of my cousins and i got along really well, and i guess we flirted a lot, but thats the type of person i am! i didnt think much of it, and i never wanted too because i thought that was just gross! we tickled each other heaps and acted lovingly towards one another, but in a first cousins way. after 3 weeks, i slept over his house as well did all my other cousins, but they slept upstairs, while we slept downstairs. basically, he asked if he could touch my boobs, i said no and just thought he was a massive creep! but i loved the attention i guess... and i just tickled him because i thought he was a massive dork. but when he tickled me, he stopped his hand right between my legs and i couldn't believe what he saidhe asked me if he could finger me. i was in pure shocki told him, ew, no way thats disgusting! were cousins!he told me, oh c'mon, no one will know, just us! its only for fun!after about 10-20 times saying no, he took it upon himself to move his hand down so he could touch me. i told him while he moved his hand down slowly to stop, but at the same time i didnt want him to.it was only over the pants for a while, but then he wanted to actually finger me, and i protested as per usual to everything that he wanted to do, but he did it anyways and i couldnt stop him, and plus i didnt want him to stop because it felt great.so basically the whole point of this post is how can i deal with what i've done?i dont love him in any other way than just a cousin, and right now i hate him because of what he persisted me to do because of the fact that i feel so disgusted with myself and whenever i think about what happened, i just feel depressed and low especially when i think about the consequences if anyone were to find out, especially my parents and my whole family.i just want to forget about everything that had happened between us, but in the end, it will stay with me for the rest of my life! there have been moments where i've forgotten it completely, but then all of a sudden out of the blue, something occurs and it triggers my memory and makes me feel sad and depressed.im not depressed, its just when i think of what happened it makes me feel that way, but after about 1-2 minutes, its over until i think about it again.if you have the same experience as me, please help me! i dont want to see a therapist, i just want to try to forget what happened. i feel so alone because i cant tell anyone about what happened, i just need guidance as to how i can go about forgetting what happened or just trying to accept and die down the feeling of depression when i think about what happened.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 February 2012):
It seems like you were too weak willed to ward him off. So first accept your own part in this and learn from it. No is no. If you say it once, you have to keep saying it and keep warding him off. He took advantage of your weak mind and you have to make sure that you will never let him or any other man touch you again in that way if you don't want it.
Of course it was wrong of him to do this. He should have stopped after your first decline but he didn't. Men have been prosecuted for less. I would recommend not letting it slide, but confiding in someone you trust. Do you have a sister, a friend you can talk to who is more familiar with the family dynamic than I am? Ask for their view. Personally I would probably tell my mom in your shoes and ask for her advice. But that's only because my mom is a calm non judgmental person.
If that's out of the question, contact him and let him know exactly how you feel. Here's something I might have said in your situation: "What happened that night still bothers me and I want you to know I'm disgusted by it. We're cousins, it's illegal, not to mention I said no 20 times and you still persisted. Yes, I was weak, I should have kept saying no the 21st time. But what you did borders on rape. I hate you for behaving like this and I hate myself for letting you. I don't want to ever see you again and the only reason I'm calling is because I hope you learn to earn your respect from a girl next time instead of having to practically force her to have sex with you. A real man doesn't need to do that. Bye."
Whatever you do, don't keep this to yourself. Talk to a friend and if you really really feel there's noone to turn to, write it all down in a journal or diary to sort your mind.
But most of all, the best way to deal with this is to learn from it. You made a mistake, yes. But it's best to learn from it now then later in a much worse situation. I only learned to steel my mind when I was 19 and by then I wished I had learned sooner. So look at it that way. There's no way you'll let any guy take advantage of you now.
Keep your head up!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): You should tell your cousin that what he did was wrong and you feel incredibly uncomfortable about it. Explain to him that although you too let it happen, you do not feel good about it and are going to put it behind you forever. You are a very young woman and that age is very experimental and sometimes weird things can happen. You are not a bad person, you have to forgive yourself and move on!
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