A
female
age
41-50,
*nfsdnluv
writes:So I posted my situation on here last week: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/whats-with-his-disappearing-act.htmlAnd, after several weeks of not talking, my disappearing act from that post has reappeared. He called last night and this is basically what happened:he goes "okay I am calling for 2 reasons, first to wish you a happy birthday, cause tomorrow is your brithday, and secondly cause I have read and read and reread your email every day and I still don't have an answer for you. You were right. You said in yoru last line for me to explain to you why I deserved a get out of jail free card, but the truth is I didn't deserve one. You deserve the world and I behaved immaturely and couldn't even pick up the phone and call you. I read that line over and over and I couldn't once come up with anything to say. I didn't have one excuse, cause none was good enough. So, I'm calling you now to say "I'm Sorry"" I have thought about you in some form or another EVERY SINGLE day since you left for your trip. I drive by your exit when I'm in the area and I just think to myself "how did I do this? how did I let it get to this point?" He said that he felt under pressure to make a decision before I left to go away and he just wasn't ready to - that he couldn't decide. But, I wasn't putting any pressure on him, it wasn't anything that I did/said, but he just felt that pressure. So I said "wy didn't you just say that?" and he goes "because I'm an IDIOT?!?!?" Then, he said it just got to the point where he just couldn't get the bad feeling of what he was doing out of his head. That he thought I was a great girl, that he's attracted to me, but he just felt guilty and he jsut wanted it to go away but it wouldn't. And, he felt bad that he didn't do the right thing and sit down with me before I left and have a talk about it, so he sent me an email and it would've been great if I just responded "okay, no big deal" or "i forgive you, here's your get out of jail free pass", but I didn't and when he got my email and read it and read it over and over, he knew I was right. Then, he said every morning he would wake up and htink "maybe she'll call me today..." he just so desperately wanted me to call him and say "why haven't you responded to my email?" "what's going on here?" That, he didn't respond out of pure fear. He was afraid I hate him, that I would be angry, that I'd yell, it was pure terror - it wasn't right, it was cowardly and immature, but it was out of fear. (I lvoed when he called himself a coward) Then, he basically said he was calling now because he's sorry and he misses me and it's that simple. He misses talking to "his friend XX" (hmm...) that we got so close, we knew each other on such a deep level and then it was just nothing and he just simply misses me. That there are a million things he'd do differently, that he made a lot of mistakes - he "tried to think about the situation logically and react logically to it, which was my ex has seniority cause he dated me first, but he's learned now that he should've followed his heart" (hmm...) So basically with all this I said "the thing is, what really got me was the fact that you are so good to your friends and I always considered us to be friends first, but you couldn't show me that courtesy - I gave it to you and you couldn't do the same for me and I guess I just have no tolerance for disrespect"And he goes "whoa! that hurts. it wasn't disrespect. I was just effin' scared! it was pure fear, not disrespect" to which I said, "well maybe you were driven by fear, but you have to understand from my point of view it was disrespetful to me and I will continue to think that way". So then I go - And, it just got to a point for me where there were just too many players. My last straw was when I came home from vacation and I heard thru the grapevine from my EX - of ALL people- that you "chose" him over me. (explained to hm how that happened) and I was like, that disgusted me. You don't simply choose people, and I NEVER put that ultimatum on you to do, I NEVER asked you to sacrifice your friendship with one person for our relationship. Personally, I still don't even think it's any of his business and there were just too many people, him included, who thought it was their business and who gloated and gossiped - and he goes "yeah tehre was far too much gossip" (which makes me think my ex clearly talked sh*t bout me). Anyway, so I told him, sorry, but that's just not my cup of tea... Then I asked, so what now? what's the point of calling now? and he goes "cause it had to be said, I had to say those words to you, I had to tell you I'm sorry" and I go "why? so you feel better about yourself?I still think you're a good person - so you can sleep at night now. is that what you want to hear? does that make you feel better?" to which he goes "actually, this conversation is making me feel worse..." But, really, why call now? So, he basically said he leaves it in my hands. He misses me, he misses talking to me, he wants me in his life, he made a mistake. But, he knows he doesn't deserve any options so it's up to me - if I want to be friends with him, great, if I just want to be acquaintences, fine, if I want to invite him out to dinnre and then skip out on the bill - that's fine too! (is that, um, aka a DATE?) So, he goes, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I miss you, happy birthday, I hope you have a fantastic day. You have my number if you want to use it. And I go "okay, yeah I have your number. goodnight" and he goes "hoepfully I'll talk to you soon" and I go "bye".clickWhat do I do now?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 June 2008):
He's rung up and explained that he's an idiot - so here is what you do now.
You accept that he's an immature scared little idiot and you move on.
At least you know he feels bad about how he behaved.
Good Luck!! xx
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