A
female
age
41-50,
*schmit3
writes:I'm a 21 year old college student about to graduate with my biology degree and i've just found out i am pregnant. I posted a few days ago about how i didn't know if i wanted an abortion or not and i am still undecided. Well the plot has thickened, and i am feeling more ashamed. I have ulcerative colitis and take medication, and since i don't know whether I want to keep the baby or have an abortion yet. I called my doctor today to make sure the medication im on won't negatively affect my pregnancy, a move i thought was responsible. My doctor called me back and said some things that i thought were extrememly judgemental, or atleast came off that way to me. He called and said hello and asked how I was and I responded. Then he goes "SO you're pregnant, what's going on with that?" Which I thought was an odd thing to say so I said "well I'm not sure" and I kind of laughed. Then it got worse. He said " Well what have you been doing?" and I was totally taken off guard and I replied "Ummm I guess things I shouldn't have been." He sorta laughed and said "oh I'm kidding" Then we talked about my medication ( what I had intentially called for) and he asked how far along I was and then he goes "So are you married?" and I said I'm engaged. which I'm not but the way he was saying things and the things he was saying made me feel so ashamed that I prettty much felt so low I lied. And he said "Ohhh ok" and started to be a little nicer asking about school. All I want to know is, was he out of line or am I overreacting? He's been my doctor since i was 16 so maybe it was a paternal side coming out. And he knows I've been planning on going to medical school after graduating with my BSc. in biology so maybe he thinks I am ruining my life. I just know I was rather put off and quite offended by some of those things he said; they made me feel badly. Just want to know if i'm being super sensitive or if I am justified in my feelings.
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female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Wow! Your going to an ob before the abortion clinic?! Honestly, I would sit down and figure out what I want before stepping foot in an ob office where they may try and sway your decision. On top of being offered a scan possibly and seeing pregnant women. Very risky thing your doing.
And *NO* I *AM NOT* trying to sway you, myself. I truly believe this is a personal choice that is completely up to you. (I am very pro-choice, yet would never push someone to abort) I just think that if you go to an OB before you make up your mind, be prepared to keep the child after that visit. Seeing pregnant women, seeing a scan, hearing what these OB docs have to say...yeah. Figure out what you want BEFORE going to an OB, or the abortion clinic. Going to EITHER before you have figured out what you want, could haunt you forever.
A
female
reader, confused0223 +, writes (10 March 2009):
I myself am a single mother going to college and I'm not gonna lie it's hard, but I've figured it out. Her father doesn't help at all and is no where around. If the father is someone you think you could trust I would talk to him and confide in him and see how he feels. I hope things go well and I'd also find a doctor who doesn't have a bias towards you. Then go from there
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A
female
reader, aschmit3 +, writes (10 March 2009):
aschmit3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice! it helped a lot just to vent and write that all down. his tone was definitely a little too judgemental for my liking but at the same time he's a great doctor and i've been with him for a while so i will probably just try to overlook it. i am not taking this decision lightly and i know the clock is ticking which makes me even more nervous. i have contacted an abortion clinic that's about 1 1/2 hrs away and i have my first OBGYN appt tomorrow so that I can have proof of pregnancy and get myself a medical card (my mother's insurance doesn't cover dependents for OBGYN appts plus i don't want her to know). i truly appreciate you all taking time out of your day to read my rant. if you have any further advice regarding the abortion vs keeping the baby, please feel free to let me know because i am extremely torn between what my brain tells me and what my heart tells me...
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (10 March 2009):
Hmmm... It would be hard to tell without hearing his tone and how he said it. Sometimes, in situations like these, our emotions can be raw and even the littlest thing said at the wrong time, can really rub us the wrong way... If you really don't want to go to him during this time, then don't.
Keep in mind that this is all up to you. (If you keep the baby or not) Don't let anyone sway you. You are the one who has put SO much time and effort into school, if you choose to wait to become a parent, that's completely fine and YOUR choice. Be strong, and just like the other aunt said, you don't have to much time...
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 No, when it comes to your health and any difficult decisions you must make you should never feel uncomfortable about your doctor.
Ask around with your friends about how they like their doctors, and give one a try. I don't know what your views on abortion are, but you are running out of time with every week that passes. Good luck on this decision, it is not one to be taken lightly. Just really think about what would be best for you, and whether you are in a position to bring a child into this world. It's all up to you, don't let him or anyone else make you feel pressured.
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