A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are good friends with another couple. The other husband is sociable, outgoing and playfully teases other women. Problem is his wife is the jealous type and she gets agitated over the SMALLEST things (like a married woman chit chatting with her husband when we're all at dinner parties). This isn't any of my business and normally I'd ignore it but now this woman is acting suspicious towards me because I am comfortable around her busband who is my husband's best friend. She also has a half-dozen other ladies she's keeping tabs on because they once or twice talked to her husband and she's the "keep your enemies close" type. Mutual girlfriends of ours have begun caling me to ask what is wrong with her and to tell me she's "crazy". She often stops by mine and these other women's houses without warning and completely uninvited just to "hang out" and then drop little "HE'S MINE" comments that are completely unwarranted and out of place. She's also asked me to go and do things with her that sound like they could be manipulative towards other women she suspects her husband is friends with. It's gotten to the point that I can't tell who she is actually friends with and who she is keeping close so she can make sure no one is messing with her man. (He's not even that attractive, just polite and easy to converse with. She's completely overreacting!) I am good enough friends with the husband that I gently and casually mentioned that she is posessive of him and that she may need some reassurance that she can trust him around mutual married female friends. She's done such a good job of hiding her true feelings from her husband that he responded that "she's strong and hasn't ever said anything to me like that". I know him well enough to know that he'll think about what I said but I don't know if he'll change his behavior or confront her. He doesn't know about everything she's been doing and her strange behavior. Can you give me some advice on how to deal with this woman and her massive insecurities that she's totally unwilling to admit even to her husband? Keep in mind this is my husband's best friend and his wife so distancing myself would be extremely difficult and honestly, it would make her suspicions worse to see any sort of obvious change in my behavior. Help me wise aunts!!!
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best friend, jealous, married woman Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): ok, so you sre sure you are not the slightest bit interested in her hb? if this is indeed the case, have you actually thought that maybe this man with his flirty behavoiur is actually the casue of why his wife behaves the way she does. this man must be driving his poor wife insane with his inappropriate behaviour. i actually feel sorry for her! and you casually mentioning that his wife is possessive doesn't help. instead of all you woman gossiping about his wife try helping her. i am sure he has done something to make her act in this way. and believe me some women do not need an invitation to move onto someone elses man! she doesn't trust him because he has done something to destroy this trust. you may not want this man but soeone in your group has designs on him. you women are just too blind to see it.
A
female
reader, all of my imperfections are perfect! +, writes (16 October 2009):
this is more of a comment than an answer - i agree with , Ginalolabridga she said it pretty good - she may need a friend more than anything - but again you dont know what goes on behind closed doors that would make her act like this. There may be more to it than you think. Cant say ive been right there - because fortunately i havent but other people have perceived me as jealous when in fact that is not the issue at all, it has been other problems and my reactions make me appear to be jealous ( it really sucks ) Maybe he isnt living up to his end of the deal and she isnt sure how to deal with it - does she interact with the other couples husbands as much as the other wives - or her husband is interacting with you more than she does with the other men? ( this is not your problem) just observe a few things next time and try talking to her as a friend -
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2009):
Basically, this is her problem, not yours. She has something in her life that is really eating away at her. My advice is this. When you're around her and her husband, be polite, smile and all that. Clearly don't be an over the top flirt (I'm sure you're not), and just be careful that you aren't alone with her husband. Other than that, I wouldn't be worried. It's her problem and if she's not willing to confront it, not yours. Just be polite and careful. you can't do more than that. If you're worried, just speak to your husband. He might be able to talk some sense into his friend. Good luck.
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