A
male
age
41-50,
*onh2879
writes:okay. i am a 30 year old male. a few months ago i started going to the library to study for school a few days per week. this went on for a while. while i was going, a girl that works there started being really friendly with me. i could tell she was attracted to me. she would find excuses(while working) to go make her presence very,very apparent to me--alot. this went on for about a month or so. the semester ended, i never really talked to her and i stopped going there for 2 months. i started going back yesterday and it started all over again-i can tell she wants my attention. so i asked the security guard(my friend) to kinda tell her(that i asked about her). He told me she said she has a boyfriend! I'm confused--she is obviously flirting with me. Please help!
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 The security guard may also like her and not want to compete with you.
As Frank B. Kermit says, in the future, always be direct.
It is far sexier. Even if you are rejected, you'll have planted a seed.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (14 September 2009):
 First mistake you made is that you told your friend about your interaction with her. This means that if she actually was open to seeing you, she might not bother now, because you were not discreet (protect her reputation) and did not approach her directly (lack of dominance). At 30, you really should not have needed to use your friend to remove the risk of rejection. When she finds out (I beleive she will) this will make you look really bad.
Next, it could be that she was interested in you (for just sex, or for a relationship) or that she was just looking for a drama high (attention).
If she wanted just sex or a relationship then For all you know, she does not have a boyfriend (she might have told the security guard that because HE hit on her), or maybe she does, but they are not serious (casual dating until someone else comes along), or maybe they are in an open relationship, or maybe she is looking to cheat...but because you did not approach her directly yourself, you will never know. Surely the security guard has told her about your inquiry.
If she is emotionally damaged in some way, she might be doing it for validation just to see if you continue to be interested in her, even though she has zero intention of taking it anywhere. Assuming she is some sort of tease, she is bad news, and be glad that you did not waste your time on her.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): She probably just wants a thrill, and she gets one from knowing that other guy's are interested in her, even though she's already spoken for. If i were you, i would try not to show too much interest in her, because if you begin develope feelings for her, knowing that you can't have her, you'll be in a right pickle.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Take a look at the definition of flirting. That should remove your confusion. The fact she has a boyfriend is really no big deal. People flirt. It's the intentions behind the flirting and the level it gets to that make a difference. Flirting can be dangerous because it can get out of hand. It can also be nothing. It mostly depends on how solid the relationship is between the flirting person and their actual "partner". People who are satisfied at home don't usually flirt with the intention of cheating. Flirters need to beware though that when things are not good at home, attention from outside sources can plant the seed to disaster.
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