A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Any psychologists that can analyse this man? I recently left my husband and this man offered support. At first he was so romantic and supportive, he told my friend how stunning I am and how he couldn't believe his luck but he soon changed. I would consider him abusive and controlling but I wanted to know if you agreed as he is far from mainstream. He can be moody and quite angry. He stopped talking to me once because I disagreed with him over my ex (who he hasn't even met) because he kept pushing his own point, and I would disagree. He was quite nasty, and stopped talking to me. It was hell to be honest and when I said about it, he said I shouldn't have argued with him. One time, we were in a city and because I didn't hear him, he stopped talking again and had a go at me (I suffer from agoraphobia too). There have been other bad moments but just recently, I caught him flirting online with another woman. I saw the entire conversation on his computer because he was still logged in and he was conversing with her via his mobile elsewhere, while still texting me and making sure I was ok! It was sexually suggestive and he said he'd been interested in her for a while, so since he'd been seeing me. We argued about it, I asked him if he was still chatting to her and he said he was. In the end, on another occasion I offered an ultimatum, stop talking to her or stop talking to me. I felt I had no choice. In my mind he should have apologised off his own bat and said he wouldn't do it again without me even having to ask him. He tried to turn it around and said that would be like him telling me not to go out with the girls! Hardly! I don't flirt with men. I wasn't asking him not to go to the pub, or not see his mates, just to come off that horrible website and stop chatting to her. Eventually, again, we argued about it and he said I was being manipulative! I said I can't sleep in the same bed with a man who could be chatting to another woman! That I had every right to ask him to stop. He reacted by smashing up his phone and disconnecting his computer! He totally threw his toys out of his pram. Said that I was spoiling for a fight and that I'd won now. Yet even in my text messages before the night began I said I didn't want to discuss it, just move on and for him to say quite simply he wouldn't contact her again. He is so stubborn and I know he has deeply rooted trust issues but he has lied and cheated online. He has entirely pushed me away with his behaviour and I don't think I even like the man anymore. He constantly blames me even when its blatantly obvious that its not my fault. I have tried extremely hard with him, listened to him and loved him and it just feels like such a smack in the face. I know I should have nothing more to do with him but I would still appreciate your thoughts. I feel very down about the whole situation. Thank you.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (20 September 2013):
 You do not owe him anything. No matter how supportive or how kind he has been, it does not entitle him to treat you like that.
Watch his actions, because it tells you exactly how unimportant your feelings are to him.
Your ultimatum was a very reasonable one. An ultimatum means nothing, unless you act on it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Yep. It sounds like narcissism. If he cheats on you, then he will genuinely believe that YOU are the unreasonable one for leaving and you owe it to him to stay, after everything he has done for you. What he did wrong to you will not even pass through his thoughts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): I notice how he gave support before showing his abusive and narcissistic behaviour. That is how controlling people work. They go out of their way to help and support, whether it be emotional or financial. The problem is, they then feel entitled. You must get rid of this online dreamer and get yourself a real man. He won't ever change, because he doesn't care about your feelings and he never did.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (20 September 2013):
I am not a psychologist. It does not need a psychologist to tell you he is bad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): did u meet this rat, err sorry, i meant to say did u meet this man on line?
this talking/flirting/meeting/cyber sexing/cheating on line is usually an arrogant habit, and not a one off thing.
they think its a safer way to cheat without getting caught, u see. other than that, they r not good looking enuff to pull, so they try on line. either way, its just cheating.
get rid. he is an abuser.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Diagnostic Criteria, American Psychiatric AssociationAn individual diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder needs to show at least 5 of the following criteria:Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).Requires excessive admiration.Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): I would not bother analysing or looking for reasons. He is going to make you unhappy.
Somehow, I do not think he would tolerate this behaviour, if it was coming from you.
Google "Narcissistic personality disorder"
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