A
female
age
41-50,
*loydcrazy88
writes:I have been seeing a married man for 5 and a half years, he has promised from the beginning to leave his wife but has not delivered. I have made this man my entire life and don't know how to contemplate a life with him not in it.I know everybody says just end it, but i truly do think that this was the love of my life. can somebody please give me some idea where i go from here? A part of me wants to hang on just in case he does leave but the other half knows this is never going to happen.
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female
reader, Miss W  +, writes (14 April 2007):
I have been in this terrible situation 2! The man i dated initially told me he was seperated, like me, but after three months told me he was still married, living with his wife, but kept me dangling when I said we should part saying things like, I will work out a way for us to be together, you are the love of my life, I will die without you.... I had been in a loveless marriage and this man made me feel loved and wanted. For two years every week I 'broke up with him' and he chased after me but in the end things stayed the same. Now he plans to have kids with his long suffering wife and wants me as a side dish because as he says 'I can't be with a woman who has childre' - a new development 'but I love you and isn't that better than being alone?' Well, all I can say is I am heartbroken with the way things have turned out, but i am angry with myself for allowing it to happen to me. Tell him to stop being a selfish bastard and remind yourself that you are not forgettable and you deserve the whole cake - not just a slice.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Believe the half that says it's never going to happen because it won't. You can keep on being the sloppy seconds or you can pull yourself up by your boot straps and get on with your life. If you stay in this one-side relationship I can guarentee that one day you look back on a wasted life, and he'll be snuggled on the couch with his wife admiring the grandkids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Why in the world did you get involved with him in the first place? Once you knew he was married it should have been over -unless and until he broke it off with his wife. You should have told him right off, call me once you have left her, but not before. He has strung you along for 5 years with no intention of leaving his wife. Why should he when he can have you, too? He is a lier and a cheater and I cant see why you would want him at all, for he would only do the same thing to you once you 'caught' him. This is all stuff you really know already. That all said, have you ever heard of polyamory? This is where a relationship is created with honesty, openess and full consent by all parties, including the wife. If you dont mind sharing the man, next time start out the relationship that way so that instead of spending 5 years as the lying dirty mistress, you can spend 5 years as a loving secondary partner and part of a family.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Hi. Well I guess I'm not going to lecture you on the fact that having an affair is wrong. All I can do is share my experience which is quite similar. I was in an unhappy relationship, no kids, and had an affair for 5 years. My mistress had asked me many times to leave my partner but I had my cake and was eating it so why leave! Eventually she took a hard look at herself and her values & principles and became disillusioned with being a mistress and had a fling with someone else. This gave her the courage to break up with me! When she did I realised what I was giving up and broke it off with my partner. Unfortunately it was too late for me and we never got back together and now I'm sorry I never left my partner sooner when my mistress still loved me. I suggest you pluck up the courage to break it off with your lover and tell him if he wants to see you again he must be a free man. If you don't it could go on for many more (wasted) years. Take some time for yourself and really think what it is you want from life and a relationship. If he really loves you he will leave his wife, if not start dating again. This time make sure the men are available. Hopefully there are no children involved and you won't cause too much pain but affairs are wrong and the fall out is always hurt for all the parties involved. I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. Take care.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (12 April 2007):
 So you've believed him for 5 years that he will leave his wife? How are you on the Tooth Fairy? Please leave this man. He has a great thing -- his family and an extra. Why would he want it to change?
Also remember, if he cheats with you he will someday cheat ON you. You don't want to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of your life wondering who the next one is.
Do yourself a favor: leave him and give your heart a chance to get over him. You'll be much happier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): If he is not able to be faithful with his wife, he will neber be with you. Just forget about him and look for an other (single) man.
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