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First time sex didn't turn out so great!

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Question - (7 July 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 July 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, *oobie writes:

So, I had my first intercourse experience. That may be inaccurate though, but I don't know if fingering someone is an "intercourse" experience.

I had fingered her silly, she wanted more and asked for two fingers inside. I obliged and things got hot, but apparently not hot enough. I had a chub, but I couldn't seem to get a stiffy!

The whole time I panicked about it. She suggested I relax, but I couldn't. All I could think about was my floppy dong. She put it inside anyway and it slinked around as she writhed on top, but still no stiffening. Even though she seemed in ecstacy, I was thoroughly embarrassed. I gave up and she asked if she could finish. She did so while on top of me, which, regardless of how my penis felt, was hot!

I couldn't get comfortable afterwards and I felt like she didn't want to be close to me and I've been depressed about it all morning.

How often does this happen to people my age? What could be the reason? How do I avoid this happening again? I ask because we talked and she was down to give me another shot.

A few notes: I was using a "Fire and Ice" Trojan condom and couldn't feel much besides the heat from the substance in the condom (which makes me think I put it on wrong). I was up since 3:30 and hadn't had any substantial sleep. Of course, as stated above, I was (and still technically am) a virgin (because I didn't ejaculate).

View related questions: condom, depressed, ejaculate, fingering, my penis

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A male reader, Doobie United States +, writes (7 July 2012):

Doobie is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@Person12345 I came home from work this morning and she was still here, which I felt was a good sign. She wasn't being insensitive, it turns out. She's quite cool with the situation and we'll be seeing each other again tomorrow. Hopefully I can deliver the goods next time.

@pinktopaz I'm not trolling. Trolling is a waste of time. I felt that I wasn't hard enough. Like I said, it was just a chub and not a full on stiffy.

Also, good to know that I'm not a virgin anymore, but hoping I become better and get over whatever kept me from being...all I could be.

I'll also do well to find normal condoms or sensitive touch ones. Just hope they're not too thin to the point of breaking.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012):

Did you wait until you had an erection before putting the condom on? Were you ever erect in this situation? I ask because you seem naive and perhaps don't know that the condom doesn't need to go on during foreplay (unless you're rubbing your cock directly up against her vagina). So you don't wear it until you're ready for penetration. I also don't understand how the pair of you managed penetration with the "floppy dong"; it doesn't seem likely. Anyway: next time, get turned on and rock hard before putting on the condom. Ask her to stimulate you down there if you go soft with the condom on, and as someone else said use a normal condom with no fancy extras. Try not to fret about this. I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (7 July 2012):

person12345 agony auntIf you got inside her, with or without ejaculation, you are no longer a virgin. My boyfriend was a virgin when we started dating and he was so nervous his first time that he couldn't finish either. It's pretty common, try not to worry! She knows you're nervous. And next time get normal condoms! Those substances can numb you a little bit.

Your girlfriend is being very insensitive to the fact that you were nervous. Don't try to use alcohol to relax, that can have a deflating effect on men.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (7 July 2012):

1. Based on your description of all this, I don't know how much of an "honest" question this is or if you're just trolling for entertainment, but I guess I'll answer some questions anyway.

2. There's really no possible way for her to have actually put your penis inside her without it being hard.

3. Condoms tend to not make you feel much. Often, guys will go soft from them. Find a different brand or type of condom if you really cannot feel anything.

4. Just because you didn't ejaculate doesn't make you a virgin.

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