A
female
age
30-35,
*oreverMyLove
writes:My ex and I split up last year after a five year relationship. Like every relationship it had its ups and downs, but far more ups than downs. We had just moved into a house I had bought. When he asked to split up it broke me to pieces but I had known him so long and loved him so long I let him stay in the house. A week after we split, he started dating a client of his, a woman I knew, 11 years older than him, complete opposite of me and nothing like anyone he had dated before. At this point we began to argue and fight a lot as I was finding it difficult to cope with. After a few months, despite me spiralling out of control, things became amicable and we got back to best friends again.It is now 13 months since we broke up. He no longer sleeps here but stays at hers however 90% of his stuff still remains at mine and he comes by often. I have been his primary support for years, invested nearly £15,000 in him and made him a better person - yet I'm still heartbroken and wanting him back.He hasn't taken her to meet his family - who I am very close to, we still regularly see each other. He still asks me for money when he needs it. His things are still here... Does anyone believe we'll get back together or am I banging my head against a brick wall? What is he doing with her? Did he get scared from all the commitment? I have cried nearly everyday for a year. I will always love him, there is no doubt about that.How do I get him to come back to me? He is the love of my life, despite everything that's happened, I'd have him back in a heartbeat!Help me! I miss him more than I let myself think about! ??
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 I would ALSO like to point out that BEFORE you tell him to pack his crap and get out permanently, that you seek LEGAL counseling to ENSURE he can not MAKE a claim on YOUR house.
TALK to a lawyer/solicitor to make SURE he can not make demands on the house or part of the equity.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 December 2014):
 I guess it's going to take a lot more than £15,000 to make this guy a better person. He's a user and a taker and the only thing he's in love with is your money. If you want this guy to come back you will have to up the ante and tell him you will pay him to drop his girlfriend and become your one and only.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (19 December 2014):
 He does not want to be with you. You must accept this.
Why on earth are you letting him keep his stuff at your house? He's using you. You're not together anymore, so get him to move all his gear out ASAP so you can move on with your life.
I agree with Honeypie that he may have started getting close to his girlfriend while you two were still together. One week is very quick to move from one person to the next.
Put this behind you and move on with your life. Clinging on to the past is doing you no good at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): He sure doesn't know what he is missing does he? Real love is hard to come by. Yes he will realize how special you are and what a fool he has been but likely it'll happen when you move on. I don't think it was fear that drove him away but a combination of immaturity and boredom. The grass is greener somewhere else type of thing. What he is doing with her you is he is sowing his wild oats. He is just using her. The best way to get a guy back after he dumps you is to ignore him and move on. Swear to God, it works like a charm. Get dolled up, start hitting the town, start meeting boys, start being happy again, and make yourself 1000% unavailable to him. Make room for everybody in your life but him. That will certainly make him notice you again. And please stop giving him money. It's really unbecoming of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): I'm sorry to hear how heartbroken you are. Things will get better. He's not the only one. However, you should change your attitude.Are you sure you really want him back or is it just a fear of being alone?I must admit I don't like the fact that he is so comfortable with women investing in him. (I have doubts about women who feel at ease with guys taking care of their financial problems as well)I think it's wrong of him to continue asking you for money, and it's certainly unhealthy for you to keep giving it to him. Stop buying him. Let that other woman pay his bills, which I'm sure he hopes she should.Use this time to reflect on why do you think you love someone who treats you like this. Imagine that your best friend/sister/daughter was In this situation. What would you tell her? Would you tell her that it is OK, that she should fight for him and let him do whatever he wants?The best advice I can think of is to put his things in plastic bags and give him an ultimatum to pick them up, or they'll be thrown away.Get rid of his presence in your space.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2014):
I'm sorry to say that I don't think he is looking to get back with you, and that he is taking FULL advantage of the knowledge that you have the HOPE he will one day realize what he gave up (you) - and thus he USES your place for storage now.
Have you never considered that something were going on with him and that woman BEFORE you two broke up? For him to jump into a relationship a WEEK after breaking up with you, SCREAMS (at least to me) that something were at least brewing with her before he broke up.
Is he paying rent/utilities at your place? If not, give him 30 days to move his crap out and find a renter if you can't afford the place alone. And I'd say do the same if he IS helping with payment.
EITHER way he, is DATING someone else now and treating YOUR home as a storage facility, "flophouse" - the reason you are STILL not over him is because he is STILL there. I think he KNOWS full well that you have hopes he will come back, he isn't looking to do that. He just wants an "escape route" (some place to live) in case the other chick doesn't work out.
Investing THAT much money into a guy who ISN'T your spouse is not a smart thing, and it doesn't mean he OWES you to come back to you. THAT was YOUR choice (and sorry, not a good choice ).
Is this new GF taking care of him financially too? Because if she is, that should CLUE you into what kind of MAN he is.
Time for you to LET him go and move on. YOU deserve some happiness, and that doesn't lie with him.
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