A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im 43 and I have been dating a guy of 40 for the last 4 moths. We have both been through painful divorces and we got close very quickly. He said he thought I was an amazing person and he was happy with me. He said in the near future he would like me to move in with him and I said I would think about it in a positive way. Over the last 2 weeks he has become moody and unhappy, when I asked him what was wrong he said I was just trying to pick a fight. I may have probed him a little too far but quickly withdrew to give him some space. He then said that he just wanted to be friends but still see me regularly. He also said he didn't feel a click between us??.I have no idea what is going on. I have kind of fallen for his sweet side and he has done a lot for me over the last few months, both physically and emotionally. We both have quite low self esteem issues, but I have no idea if I should stay friends and see what happens or break things off completely.I am going house hunting today and he says he wants to come. Should I let him?I am just so confused over this...please help me!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Thankyou so much for all the helpful advice. We spoke today and things were frosty. He repeated that he wanted to stay friends, but it will be too painful for me at the moment, as I think so much of him and I don't want to fall into the trap of seeming desperate, so I have told him that I don't wish to still see him or keep touch at the moment. He said I would always be in his heart and he will always wonder where I am. Maybe in 6 months or a year, we might see eachother again, but for the time being I have decided to withdraw.Thankyou again for the advice xxx
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Mirror him, okay? If he acts not interested in you, don't act interested in him. If he does act interested in you, act interested back! This will give him a chance to see how he is making you feel when he says stupid stuff like "I don't think we click." Or you could just talk to him about his weird games/mixed signals and ask him what's up!You have my condolensces.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Take him with you. Encourage him. If you two are with low self esteem, beef him up and ask his opinion. Tell him the garage or den is his to fix up how he wants...offer suggestions, pull him into the site seeing party and see what happens. After all, what have you got to lose at this point?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Sorry things are confusing for you right now... I've said this to other similar questions, and I hope this might help you sort out your issues and perhaps understand his....
'A Fine Romance' by Judith Sills--an oldie but it was helpful to me.
If I were you, I wouldn't take him househunting with you--it's a bit too emotionally loaded with imagining what could be.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Be careful and look after yourself first. No, don't take him house hunting, take a female friend. That is your business. Be friends from a distance if you want but make it clear that you are not interested in persuing this as a relationship right now. Stay in touch occasionally but you know, he is not a good bet at the moment. He is in a state of confusion and I am sure does not mean to be unkind. The more you appear to push for progress the more he will evaporate.
Stop worrying about him and put your own survival and happiness first. Let whichever man is good for you show you he is by being there for you. Mainly don't play act as though you can be friends after everything, you can't. The most attractive women let men know that they are being discerning. Putting yourself on plate is no challenge at all. You may lose him, but you would anyway. You may as well say "Sorry this is not right for me at the moment. Keep in touch if you like but what you have said has made me rethink what I want". He may be interested enough at some stage to do something about it, but right now listen to what he has said and really think abouyt this. Why would you want to be starting something with an unstable person while you are still in recovery yourself?
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