A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have my first 'first date' in 11 years tonight and I'm rather nervous (I have been single for 2 years after a 9-year relationship). Been online dating sites for a year and this is the first time it has resulted in a date - she sought me out.We were due to meet two weeks ago but we both went down with colds and only spoke for the first time yesterday because she works odd shifts and I was away last week. However, we had a great half hour chat and have been emailing and texting for 4 weeks.Having been out the dating scene for so long, I'm very apprehensive and could do with some advice, particularly from the ladies out there. Have things changed all that much in 11 years? We're going for a meal in a nice country pub (which was her preferred first date on her profile).
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Just breath deep every so often and relax. "Relationships" develop on their own not as a result of your input. That would be akin to trying to make water run uphill. Just relax!
A
female
reader, goldie22 +, writes (7 November 2011):
My pointers would be firstly.Relax, she is just As nervous as you are. When you first meet. Make sure that you compliment her on how she looks. Dont go too far, just tell her that she looks beautiful.If you are goin the the cinema take her for a meal as well. You cant talk in the cinema and its not good for getting to know eachother.Ask her to tell you more about herself, like where she grew up. Does she have siblings, other family. If she has children from a previous relationship then take an interest in how they are doing, their hobbies ect it will be a releaf to her if she knows she can talk about her children.Dont drink too much as alcohol makes us do and say silly things that have no place in a first date. Also dont talk about sex or ask about previous relationships or ask how the date is going unless she offers up any of the above information herself as it can all make for uncomfortable convo if it catches you off gaurd. Also dont sleep with her on a first date it rushes things 10 steps ahead and leaves you nothing exciting to wait for and wonder about in that department!Last of all if you like her and you want to see her Again then tell her. Make sure you either arange a second date before you part or arange a time to call her eg weds evening and stick to it! Anyway the best of luck and please let us know how it went!
...............................
A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Well I know you're seeking advice from the ladies here... but I think I may be able to give you some pointers as well.
#1. Relax. You're obviously going to have some first date jitters. And if you add in the fact that you haven't dated in awhile you're going to be a bit nervous. But just try to relax. Try some breathing techniques- and assure yourself that you're going to do well.
#2. Really focus on getting to know her. Genuinely be interested in her, what she has to say, and who she is as a person.
33. Let things just flow. Just allow things to flow, and let the chips fall where they may. *Be process-oriented, not outcome-oriented. Just have fun. Enjoy the date without a goal of having sex, getting a kiss, or anything extra in mind. Don't try to force romance. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
Here's some additional information that I think may be beneficial for you as well....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/create-a-checklist-for-your-first-date.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-create-great-conversations-on-a-date.html
Best of luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): wash your hair. give your nails a scrub. Have a long shower. brush your teeth, twice. don't overdo the aftershave. But do smell nice.
Give your shoes a polish. Please do not even consider runners.
Choose something contemporary and smart to wear, but still neat and smart casual.
Comb your hair.
Smile. '
If she smells nice then be appreciative. Such as, lean closer, without touching, and add, "Mmmm someone smells lovely". Do not allow your hands to wander anywhere.
Do not swear, even if she does (bet she does not).
Don't be afraid to allow some silence in between talking. But if you get really stuck then here are some suggestions. You are not expected to use all of them or it would seem like "40 questiosn"
Feel free to comment nicely on the venue. or the food.
Ask some questions that start with "what, how, when" so that her explanations need to be longer.
And extend her answer by then asking:
"how did you manage that?" and "so what happened then?"
Never interupt. Do not speak with food in yoru mouth.
No smutty/off jokes.
Listen to her. Catch her eyes. Smile.
No forced laughs please, they are inane.
Make sure you have answers ready for her to ask you some questions. And you can ask these too, such as:
What aspects of your work do you enjoy most?
Who do you admire the most?
what was the last book you read?
What's your favorite film of all time? Why do you like it?
where would you most like to visit for a holiday and why
Try to have something already planned for you on one of the days this coming weekend. So when she asks what you are doing this weekend you can say, "I don't have anything planned for this Saturday but on Sunday I am .......going ... to ...". You can always change your mind later and not do that on Sunday. But it makes you look a bit sad if you have to say that you have nothing planned for either day on the weekend.
If you have any involvement in a volunteer group then re-acquaint yourself with them. Makes you sound so much nicer when you can say, "and I do volunteer work with the regeneration of the xyz gardens at the ..... Abbey"
have fun and I hope it turns out well.
ps: try not to order anything laden with garlic. it is such a passion killer to smell it across the table.
And work out another date and sound her out to find out what sort of dates she might like.
She will give you clues about what she likes if she is interested.
Try to schedule the next date for this coming Friday at the latest. But certainly by this weekend.
And if you say you will call then please do call.
You will be fine.
...............................
|
