A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for about 9 years and newly married 1 year. No children. My husband is 27 Recently, I have been questioning my marriage due to financial concerns. My husband currently does not have a job (he quit the last one in July). He recently got hired at a fast food joint, but after 4 days got fired. So he has had many jobs throughout the years with similar circumstances. He only has about $100 to his name. I have payed his bills when he could not make ends meet. I have kept track how much he owes me between college tuition, rent, bills. Over the last 3 years has come to total $10,300. I have a good paying job so I am able to support us both. However, I feel bitter and don't want to carry him anymore. He is in college right now, trying to get into the nursing profession. He will find out if he gets accepted in about 5 months. Should I stick around for that? He already has an associates degree but couldn't find a job in his field. I have put my foot down. He took out a loan to pay for college. He does not have any debt accept for the loan. Do you think things will get better?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): I would not visualize that husband can carry wife for life long w/o earnings, but just because he does not do a job, you are finding hard tp carry him?? follow your conscience?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I predict that things WILL get better.... WHEN YOU DUMP this freeloader and get on with your life....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): Here is the thing with job hoppers. There are two types. One is the type that is what people call "lazy bum" or whatever. But there is another type. This person can't seem to ever hold a job. They always have big plans. I mean big plans. "Once I finish writing my book..." or "This degree with get me x job, and I can get promoted to y job, and then I will be big business!" or maybe even "there's this new big thing that's going to make so much money!" Type one is probably just lazy. Type two, however, may actually have a psychological problem. There will be other signs if it is the second one. And although a lot of people might pay attention to the more drastic, "I saw this on t.v./in an article" signs, sometimes it isn't so clear as day. Other signs are depression, self-loathing, and worthless behavior with a sudden turn around of the extreme oposite for no apparent reason. Or even something deeper such as phobias. It is very complex if this is the issue, and may never get better. But you knew for nine years he was having a problem. Only he can fix it, but he may need a lot more than just financial support... For better or worse / richer or poorer / sickness and health. If you wanted a man with a job, maybe you shouldn't have married this one. :(
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (19 September 2011):
You've known this guy for 9 years! You decided to marry him - for richer or poorer - so what's changed?
He seems a bit of a deadbeat loser to me. At his age, I would have expected him to have achieved more in his life. But more importantly - I can't see any decent guy who would be happy with owing their partner over $10,000 !!!
If finance is one of his bad traits, but he makes up for it in other ways, then perhaps that will balance out.
If so, you shouldn't pick these things out, you're married. You are supposed to love someone for who they are, and you shouldn't try and make them change. You knew all this before you got married, so why has it come up now?
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