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female
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*isaac
writes: About 7 years ago as a college freshman, I had a crush on this football player. I managed to inform him of this when I was drunk one night. And coincidentally, we share the same birthday. So along with a few other players whose birthdays fell along that week, every year we always partied together. He also had a girlfriend at the time. Fast forward to 2005. I got a hold of his number from a friend and we began talking on the phone often. We would talk about hanging out with other friends and so on. I even invited him over for dinner. Well just last week I invited him to a barbecue and he said he was coming. I also mustered up the courage to ask him if he had a girlfriend saying "inquiring minds want to know" and "I know someone that would be good for you." He said he didn't have one but wanted to know who it was so I broke down and told him it was me. I saw him at the barbecue and I couldn't really talk to him b/c I didn't feel like he was feeling me like THAT. My question is: should I leave him alone and wait to see if he makes a move? Or do I continue to be friendly and keep pushing the envelope? The last thing I want to do is scare him off and I told him that. I at least want to still be friends with him like we have. Remember this is someone I went to school with and I wouldn't consider us to be really close. Thanks
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 July 2005):
 OK. You've made your move. Now you step back and wait to see what happens.
It might be a little ego-deflating if he doesn't respond in kind, but it sounds like you've made yourself plenty clear about your attraction. Give him a chance to think about it and react however he thinks is appropriate.
He might just need some time to digest the information that you're still keen, seven years - and a lot of water under the bridge - later. I'm sure he's as flattered as he can be, but that mightn't necessarily translate into returning your affections.
If it doesn't, don't kid yourself, don't try to fake yourself (or him) out and pretend you weren't serious about what you said. This is Experience Speaking... Shrug, smile, speak to him privately and let him know that you felt it was worth trying to feel him out about it, then carry on the way you did before.
You can be your own worst enemy if things don't go the the romantic plan, so if he isn't interested, accept that it wasn't meant to be. It's not the end of the world, etc. Don't try flirting to get him interested. It won't work. No smoky, sultry looks to try to lure him into a relationship, because at best all you'll get that way is meaningless sex... and that demeans you both.
I guess this is the side of the coin that men have had to deal with from time immemorial.
Keep your chin up, and don't give him up as a friend just because he wasn't interested in "more". I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be uncomfortable about it.
A
male
reader, ticketman +, writes (12 July 2005):
Honestly, you put yourself out there 'very brave' if he doesnt respond you probably should leave it alone b/c if you push it then you will scare him off and you may lose a friend.good luck
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A
female
reader, orchidblossom +, writes (12 July 2005):
Ok first of all, remember that this guy isn't the only fish in the sea. If he digs you, great, if he doesn't, move on. You've already let him know (on more than one ocassion) that you like him. He is aware of this. Now the ball should be in his court. If he has your contact information (which he does), and he doesn't get in contact with you over the next few weeks, then just forget about him. As the girl, you definitely should not be doing the chasing. That's the guy's role, and if you take that away from him, he may lose interest or be scared off! So just lay low. Or better yet, go out and try and meet someone new (with no past history)! Good luck!
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