A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A brief background before my question: I had recently been talking to a girl (initially via e-mails, then IMs and texts, and phone calls) and we had really hit it off. I never get my hopes up with these sorts of things because my luck doesn't seem to be the best with these situations, but with her positive response I could tell she was as interested in me as I was in her. We then had a harder time communicating because of her job and her being in the middle of a promotion. Naturally, this lead to a real hard time for me to get any "dates". Just as I was about to give up, we talked one more time and she said that she knew we had to meet up soon because we had always planned things but never pulled through. She then proceeded to invite me to meet up with her and an old friend of her's at a bar to celebrate her 21st birthday. So, it probably doesn't seem much like a date since her friend is going to be there--but I don't blame her for being afraid to meet someone for the first time. Then again, is this a sign that she isn't interested since she's asking me to meet up with her and her friend? The day I'm meeting up with her is also her birthday. A few things are burning a hole in my mind:- Are chances of dating/being more than a friend out of the question since she brought her friend along?- Should I be showing up with a gift for her birthday? The thing I'm a little worried about is that, if she thinks we're just meeting up as friends, would me giving her a gift little too much?- If I do get her something, what would be the best choice for a gift? - Is this sort of a pity invite, and am I seeming too desperate by agreeing to go?Thanks for any help in advance! (Sorry for it being so lengthy)
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female
reader, mitta  +, writes (14 June 2009):
I wouldnt read too much into her bringing a friend along, shes just playing it safe. Us girls have to look after ourselves and even though Im sure you're a great guy, you never really know who you're meeting off the internet.
I would say buy her a small gift such as chocolates of just get her a card, dont spend more than $15 or so, you dont want to seem overly keen.
You wont know until you meet her if there is any chemistry there or not, perhaps thats another reason she brought her friend, just to save any awkward silences in case you dont get on in person.
I think the fact she wants to meet up with you is a good sign, if she wasnt interested it would have been far less effort to just ignore you or tell you in a message than meet up with you... Especially on her birthday as everyone usually has plans on thier birthday dont they?
Just see how it goes, there might be chemistry there might not. If shes comfortable with you, suggest doing it again. Leave it up to her whether she brings a friend or not. She might not feel comfortable straight away but if she really likes you she should ditch the friend by the 2nd definitely 3rd date.
Hope this helps. x
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