A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been trying to go along this by myself lately but I have asked around but my damn heart keeps pointing me to wrong direction it seems. I'll cut this huge timeline/story but I've gone out with my ex for 1 year and 8 months but I broke up with her because I didn't feel like I can offer her a lot future wise. She wants to move out and go different states and I didn't feel the same so I told her that I felt like I couldn't give her all that and broke it off. But half was that decision and half was I had suspicion of her talking to someone else since she started acting weird a week prior to the breakup. She was just too distant and really unaffctionate to the point she was a serious stranger. That's why I did that. It seemed like that was the breaking point because our relationship was good during the honeymoon stage but when we hit our year we started bumping heads a lot. And it was insane. Fighting all the time and we couldn't breathe and to the point we screamed at the top and that also was a factor. Then I deleted pictures and tried to move and all that good stuff. But then she had been talking to some guy that created problems for us in our relationship and she tried moving on with him so quick and I was devasted. I knew that was my cue to respectfully move on but the jealous ex in me took over and I called her saying why she would move on but I am the numb nuts here. What was she to do and wait around for me when I broke up with her. She did it because she was just trying to move forward. I thought she'd fight for us and that's what made me upset. Fast forwarding this was during November and I've been talking to her for a couple months now as dating I guess and they have been terrible. She hangs out with more male friends ever since we broke up and I know she can do whatever she wants but I just get jealous for no reason. We were so stuck on eachother and were there every waking moment of the day which didn't help but as I prayed and hope things would go back to normal. I'm just stuck in the past while I'm witnessing her move on. She had been moving on this whole time and it made me feel left out. I consider her my best friend and try to keep it civil but she was kind of the one to be jealous and this and that. The point is she does things that make me upset and when I call her out on it she says it's not a big deal but if I did it, it's WW3. I try to be mature about this as I cannot force someone to love you but I fee she is playing too many games. We're not officially going out but were "dating" still kissing and calling each other pet names but I always tel her about how I feel that I miss her and I want to be with her and I ask her what she wanted out of us and she always says "I don't know". I hate those words!!! She could never express herself and I bared with her the first few months going out by its been a year. That excuse is burnt out. She always say and listened but never gives me reassurance. She hated how j always talked about us and being together and she would fee stressed and say if I can stop talking about s relationship and that it didn't matter that were together. I feel like she wants to have a slice of the cake and keep the whole thing at the same time. She's telling me she's jealous if I talk to other girls but she's talking to a guy who tried getting at her and her ex bf from the marines. I have tried to stop taking to her but I felt like she was a good friend but a crappt partner for relationships. I constantly ask if she wants to be friends and alway the famous I don't know answer comes out. I hate how attached I am to her and how unaffectionate she is sometimes. I feel like a fool. I pour out my heart and soul for her and she only sits there and listens.. I feel like she's telling everybody else her problems but me. I don't know what to do. I hate being in this emotional roller coaster with her. She always had a tendency to lie about hanging out with someone that tried to get at her and she told me she was at church but I saw her sitting in his car. It's the lying that got me mad. I wouldn't have cared if she said she was hanging out with him but she cared about my "feelings". Through all this she had been turning more bitter and nastier to me while i tell her I love her but I know she has resentment because of the breakup and I decided to stop talking to her for a week straight cold turkey but I called her. I don't know what to do. I told her not to lead me on and that it she wanted to be friends. I'm okay with that but she says she wants me around but not as a friend and she's not into fwb so I guess it's dating. I need help..My question is what are her intentions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 January 2016):
 You may have ended the relationship, but it sounds to me like the relationship was dead before this and the only reason that you ended it was in hope that she would fight for you, which she didn't. Therefore that tells you that she is not interested in having you as a boyfriend.
You both have a past so therefore it is normal to feel jealous of each other, and it is also safe and comfortable to keep going back to each other. I don't think she wants you as a boyfriend, she might like dating you but once someone more suitable comes along she will dump you. You still love her so you are just trying to grab hold of any sort of relationship she is offering, even if it is friendship. But being friends will never work between you both, as you where a couple and now you have broken up you cant just turn off them feelings. Friends don't get jealous of each other.
The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to cut contact with her and move on with your life. I have a feeling you won't listen though and you will keep in contact and you will keep getting hurt until one day she will stop all contact and you will be left heartbroken. My advice at the minute is to be strong and break all contact. Give yourself time to heal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): You won't let go and move on. So you'll be in a constant state of mixed-emotions and misery. You're a little too needy and co-dependent on her. You can't really be friends, because you both get jealous. You cling and fall back on each other because you're stuck and can't move forward. If you fight or have constant misunderstandings, that means you really can't be friends. You're getting in each others way. You're trying to distract her from other guys. Hurting yourself in the process.
Time to man-up and move on. Get out of her life and go mind your own business.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): "My question is what are her intentions?"
She wants to maintain a hold over you by keeping your dick on a leash and balls in a jar while she's free to fuck whomever else she pleases, stringing you along presumably because you can offer her material benefits and so she has no qualms about shamelessly taking advantage of your infatuation by playing you for a sap.
You need to get your head out of the sand and recognize for the self-serving, manipulative, conniving little bee-awtch she is.
Get her out of your life, walk away and don't look back. Believe me, she'll have no problem finding another sucker to exploit and once she gets her claws into him whatever exploitative interest she has in you will evaporate.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 January 2016):
It would seem like she wants a safety net. Someone to catch her when she falls. She wants date other people, but if that does not workout, she come back to wear she feels safe.
Great for her, sucks for you and your feelings.
RULE...Never keep people around who makes you feel less about yourself.
The world has enough problems. No need added more to your life. Plus...there are tons of women out there waiting for good guy to love them. Keep hanging around wrong one, and you lose your chance with the right one.
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