A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this guy for four months, passionate, loving, attentive and productive relationship. The problem, I was the "other women" - wait, let me explain. He isnt married to her, never has been, they have a baby together, a son (now 7 month old), she fell pregnant within 2/3 months of dating and now she wants to get married. He said he wasnt inlove with her, but didnt want to compromise his relationship with his son, he didnt want another man raising his son. She certainly knows about me - she's called at least twice, our relationship is public, not playing hide and seek. She broke up with him for cheating but now wants to work things out - he says there's a possibility they'll get back together. Wait...I know what you're thinking, I'm not stupid, its just that we have a history, I briefly dated him two years ago (before he met her) and it was intense, he loved me beyond belief and I broke his heart - big time. he says he's never gotten over me and would benchmark all his girlfriends thereafter to me, that he always thought we were perfect for each other. Its four months in, and he still hasnt cut ties with her...instead, he says there's a possiility they'll work things out. He loves his son more han anything/anyone on this planet, that I know and admire. Question: do I stay and fight for this man or do I walk - because he is playing me, I'm the other women and he's never gonna leave her?Funny, how I know all this and never thought it would happen to me. Then you find yourself in this situation and still you ask stupid questions - like should I stay and fight? Surely if he was ever going to leave he would have done it by now right? and the fact that theres a possibility they'll work things out is a clear sign he still cares about her and in fact wants to be with her, provided they can sort out their issues right? I'm keeping him company until that happens right? Wait it gets better (or is it worse) I read on his facebook status (which he didnt know I had access to) that he wanted her to go to church with him cause as his baby momma and girlfriend, it was a good way to build a foundation for a relationship and potential marriage (yep...u can imagine my shock) and then he took her to church for the first time on the same day he'd asked me to go for the first time (I had declined as I had other committments).I mean, I just want reassurance that I'm not loosing my mind, that yes this man loves me but it'll never be enough for him to completely leave her. that they have a son together - a deep connection and loyalty.So, do I walk???? This man treats me like a queen of note, get the feeling that I'm winning the battle but its the war that counts, and I've definitely lost the war. Ultimately he'll end up with her...should I quit while I'm still ahead?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone
Thank you so so much for your input and feedback, you all raised valid points.
I've considered everyones views, some were a reality check while others reinforced what I already knew.
I've cut ties with my now ex boyfriend, I love him dearly and of course its a struggle - taking each day as it comes. Your responses keep me going, reminding me of why I left and giving me the strength to stay away.
Thank you all once again, you have no idea how sharing your views can change ones life.
Thank you.
A
female
reader, Crazylover  +, writes (31 December 2010):
I think that's just wrong. Yes it's his son two but talking about getting back togeather. That's bull you can do better. If he loves you he would do anything. So don't stick around . He may cone running back to you. But your causing yourself to much pain to watch all this happen. It sucks but best thing to do is leave him and hope fir the best.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Should you quit while you're still ahead? Yes, you most certainly should.
He may "love" you - at any rate he likes you and has feelings for you, but he's pretty definitely committed to making a go of it with the mother of his baby, even if only for the sake of his son.
Why should you subject yourself to any more pain and stress than you are already experiencing now? You recognize there is no future for you with him, so I'm very sorry, but I strongly recommend that you give him his marching orders now, and then you will grieve, perhaps be angry for a time, but you'll learn from this and heal, and eventually, we all would hope, meet a nice, decent, free man who will love, like and cherish you for the woman you are, and you him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (31 December 2010):
Hi there. If he says he's not in love with his son's mother, then maybe like you said, he is just sticking around only, to see his son.
He probably fears the mother of his son, might deny him all access if he goes off with someone else (you). It's possible she could do that.
You might have to take a step back from all this for a little while, and see what happens with him and this other woman.
It's a very frustrating position to be in, there's no denying it.
Still be friendly and respectful towards him, but state very clearly to him, that you understand his commitment to his son, but that you need to have some space from each other for a while because it's not a situation you like to be in and it makes you very uncomfortable. Suggest to him that you have no contact for a while. And don't you call or text him either - just give him space. He needs it.
You deserve better than this.
He seems indecisive at the moment, because he is thinking about working things out with his son's mother - because of his son. He also likes spending some time with you.
It almost seems like if there was no baby, he wouldn't be with her, don't you think?
The common denominator is his son.
The main thing to remember is, if the two of you are meant to be together, in the end you will be. It seems that that time has not yet come. A few more things need to happen first.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I think you hit it on the head when you said they have a son together, 'a deep connection and loyalty'. That will always be there, so he can never just up and leave, despite the fact he may be in love with you. It's never that simple, once a child is involved. I think the guy is confused on what it is her really wants, yet after a while it gets past the torn stage and you both know you cant stick around just waiting for the 'what if' possibility and if he honestly loved you he wouldn't make you do that. I'd love to say to you, 'fight it out till the end, fight for what you want,' as you've been through so much with the guy. Obviously take that into consideration but at the same time ask yourself, 'even if he did walk, and you got together, would it really be the same after going through so much?' The mother of his child will always be a part of his life, you know this. I think deep down we blind ourselves with this illusion that although we know the truth, we know its a dead ender. we hang on 'just in case'. you can't spend your life living that way, it'll be so hard but the best thing i feel you could do is walk away this time. Easier said than done i know but in the long run i think this is the best option for you, as well as him. You might not see that straight away, but time will show you a new way forward, i'd take it, best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): OK. I am going to say something radical. I am either spot on or completely wrong. But could he be setting you up to take a poke at you for you breaking his heart? Even sort of sub consciously? Play this one close to the vest. If you stick around, remember you are handing your heart to a guy in a fickle and pivotal time of his life.Could lead to a love for the ages, or you might get the rug pulled right out from under you.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 To answer your question, i have to ask oneDo you want to be happy?If yes, loose him, if no then stay no 2 girl
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