A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:One year ago I went on a date with a guy and we ALMOST slept together the first time we met, but didn't went all the way... he asked me out like once in a week for 2 months but things came between so we never met. Then he started acting cold and I found out later he had something going on with another girl. I wanted us to work out but was kind of scared to moving too fast because I was a virgin so I tried to forget him. In July he suddenly stared to call me again so we met but only made out. Then he went to vacation to New York one week with his "EX/best friend" (he were together with before he met me) - when he got home we happened to be at the same club but he was ICECOLD towards me and a girl asked him to dance so he vispered in my ear asking me if I wanted to dance or go home (cause I said earlier I had to go home soon) I said:"if I may dance with you..." But he just turned around with no expression on his face so I pushed him at his back a little bit and went home. Then he never called me again but I couldn't forget him! So by Christmas I wrote a little mail to him about my feelings but when I asked him on msn he just said "I have so much spam-mail that I never read any" so I don't know if he've read it or not. One month ago I decided to either forget/remove everything about him or make a move so I asked him to take a cup of tea/coffie and he said: " sure! " and we would decide when we'd see each other the next monday but he was quiet! My last (stupid) solution wast to write like 100 comments (love-texts) in his blog annonymously. He answered them by saying (on swedish though) "Little kind friend, call me. I want to know who you are, ok?" So I called him YESTERDAY on the phone but he didn't answer and now he've seen that I've called and I don't know if I should try to call him again or just realise that he've never wanted anything more than sex with me and never will? I just want a real relationship with him cause I adore him like a fat kid loves cakes. I miss how he called me: "special, mysterious and not like other girls", and I can't stand being in any other guys arms cause I'm so faithful - to him. I really loved being in his arms and his looks and everything he has/is but I may perhaps not be the kind of "cool chick" he'd fall in love with - even if I look really good, my friends say I'm a 9 but I'd say I'm more like an 8. And the guy said on his blog that he think he's a 7 but I think he's a 10... I'm getting very depressed by having this crush on him and that despite all I'm trying nothing seems to progress. I've tried to find others to like but it seems I can't even if I should have no problem with it cause there's some guys that want me but I want only him! But because of that we moved forward so quickly in the beginning he must had thought that I'm easy/ a slut but I'm still virgin(!) cause I've liked him all the time. I know he's single now but the fact that he's "best friend with his ex" scares me. And another fact is that: I'm living at home as a student. He's having a huge sallary (but no university education) and his own appartment plus money to buy Luis Vuitton clothes. I know that's just superficial stuff but I don't have such great economy so even if we were together I'm afraid it wouldn't work cause I can't buy a ticket to travel around the world for an instance. But still my heart wants only him. Please help me, what do you think I should do? Should I call him again and tell the things I was going to/ask him out or get over him and HOW do I get over him?/Girl, 20 years (the guy will turn 23 next month)
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christmas, crush, depressed, his ex, living at home, money, move on, msn, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): You've been doing too much hanging around for him and putting yourself on the line and chasing after him. If he was interested he would make it a bit more obvious. And you are worth better than someone who messes about like this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Love or what we think is love plays so many games with our hearts. The rules that I give my daughters when searching it out are:
1) look to how a man treats his mother as that is how he will treat you;
2) let him pursue you and find you...you have more leverage that way;
3) never lose your own self worth and integrity...in other words do not beg for a man to take you; there are trillions of fish in the sea and although it may seem he is the only one, there are many who look just like him...you want one that stands out among the crowd and who cares about you for you and who likes being around you because you add to his life;
4) make sure he is enhancing your life and not taking away from it..if he is causing you to lose sleep and feel depressed you may need to reevaluate his value..hold your head high and know someone will take notice of you if you turn your attention to hobbies or whatever you like to do. Sometimes we try too hard to please and then when all is said and done, say, "for what?"
5) Learn to love yourself so you will be ready to love the one that seeks you out...
Remember as a woman you hold the cards to the relationship...do not give away your card deck, play each card wisely and protect your heart...you only have one and don't want it to crack or break. Good luck and chin up!
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A
male
reader, jeffkollman  +, writes (24 April 2009):
hey i know how you feel as im in the same situation as well. I think I've realized that no matter how hard you look for love, you can't find it. IT has to find you. It seems painfully obvious he has some issues with you bacause when you really care or you like someone...... you want to spend every moment together. especially when it's brand new. I can tell you right now from what I can see, you will put a lot into it and he won't. The thing thats worked for me (and I hated to do it) was let it go. Talk to him when he calls/ writes. That's it. You're hurting and I dont want you any worse than what you already are. As a result from me "letting go" just about every one I had to do that to ended up calling me or writing me in the not so far future. The ones I smothered with my feelings, I pushed away further than I ever wanted to. Be careful and don't look for anyone either.... it will come to you, I promise.
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