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anonymous
writes: The only thing my fiancee and I argue about is travelling. He won't go on a plane (I think he had a traumatic experience as a child) so I comprimised and said we would just drive to where ever around the country. I can accept that because I have already been a lot of places. Well, for our honeymoon the only place I want to go is Hawaii. We'd probably take a cruise. He could care less if we went anywhere out of the country though. I don't know what to do. He is just not willing to comprimise any time soon. We are'nt getting married for another 2 years. Can anyone suggest anything?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 February 2005):
 Hi there,It's interesting that you have to "think" about the reason the man you want to marry-and-spend-the-rest-of-your-days-with won't travel by air. Have you asked him about it? If he did have a traumatic experience, then it might be worth exploring desensitising him to the fear by taking very small and manageable steps toward his goal, which might be as small as taking a commericial flight between a couple of nearby airports. I'm in no way a professional, but the principle of desensitising involves starting out at the very periphery of his fear, like picking up a toy plane and describing the people who might travel on it. From there, he might wander through an airport and describe the travellers' faces and activities. The process continues like that until he feels confident enough to walk through a plane, then sit down on one, then finally take a short trip. This is something that needs to be guided by a mental health professional, and with your fiance's consent.I would urge you to get to a couple's counsellor though, and talk it through. If he has to get his way on this for all time and is completely unwilling to make any compromises to please you or meet your needs, then it could be a bad omen about his ability to compromise generally. Marriage is one long compromise!It's probably too early to worry about a flight to Hawaii, if you're not planning on getting married for another couple of years. Give him some space on the issue of your honeymoon flight right now and focus instead on the need to reach a consensus decision about travelling in the meantime.Be supportive and be willing to accept small successes.Good luck.
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