A
male
age
30-35,
*avid luiz
writes:[Moderator's Note: OP's own title]hey guys this is long story but ill try to make it as small possibleee i could do well with some ''outside'' adviceso im going out with this girl... its been 11 months.. but in the beggining it was really difficult because i knew something was wrong... and she would deny it ..but in the end i found out she was really confused about our situation, because she was never in a real relationship and i was different to the guys she saw, she knew i was serious, so she was confused about this other guy that she liked for a few years and if this was the right thing for both we are different, but hey, i dont think there is such thing of a perfect match, we just get used to each other because we love each other, and she still had the mentality of ''single girl'' and she is really pretty and she gets attention of a lot of guys so she did have her fun in the past, lets say that.so did say some bad stuff to mee like oh you think we are going to last together , dont think we will be together in a few years and bla bla...and i knew that but yeah it was lame of her being so bitchy about it. and she had to go on holidays for 2 months overseas to her birth country. and i knew that some guys tried to kiss her and etc... and she denied them. as she said since she came back.but the thing is i am now engaged to her! ... and probably 1 week later i found out in her computer some conversations that were there... and i clicked on a random one... and i found this one.. about this guy that she told me he was a bit of a player... but yeah ... i saw the convo and it was him saying ohh remember when you went into my room and i started touching you... but then you stopped and couldnt do anything...and she was ohh tontito ( silly) you didnt tell me you had a bf and i know i couldnt do anything i just couldnt i realized about him ( me ) and yeah i had to leave sorry bla blaaand i was tempted as well.. but i didnt do anything... once a kiss from a girl but that was nothing i just left after she touched my lipsbut seeing that conversation...the way she talked to him.. was so lame.. disrespectfull for me and for her... and she didnt tell me... i had to find out.. then she cried saying she couldnt tell me she didnt have the courage cuz she didnt want to break up and that it was a mistake .. she was confused and that she wanted to break up with me...but she realzied with that situation she loved me so since she came back she didnt change...but i dont know what to do, i want to stay with her cuz i love her so much.. but i keep thinking of that.. even thought she actually couldnt go through it,i know im not the easiest person to be with. but that situation with her, she didnt get, she cant act all crazy, like i think it not good to take a see through tight dress to the place you study, cuz i went with her one day and this guy had a crazy reaction like if he wanted to eat her alive or something i didnt like itshe has to change somethings, and i know she is accepting it. but she also wants me to be less jealous and to not get annoyed with stuff. i will try, but she has to understand what im going through, with the lies and i knew from the beginning but she kept goingwhat should i do with this situation??sorry guys if this is confusing, please if you can coment, ill be more then happy to comment if someone doesnt understand what i wrote..thanks
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male
reader, david luiz +, writes (18 October 2010):
david luiz is verified as being by the original poster of the question
i know my question was really confusing, it wasn't one of my days... u know what i mean...
but i had a talk with her
and we resolved everything... witch is good :)
thank you , it did help
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Your explanation was a little confusing but I think I understood most of it!
Here are some questions you have to think of:
1. Why did you propose to her? You want to spend the rest of your life with her, and you love her, but love is not the biggest reason to marry someone. There has to be more.
2. Talk to her. Tell her how this situation and other make you feel. Tell her what you want from her and see if she can do it. can she change to make you happy and trust her? Trust is a huge thing in a relationship and especially a marriage.
Here are my comments;
It is normal for you to feel jealous and think what she is doing is wrong. It is. When you love someone, expecially engaged (soon to be married) you want to know that your wife will not cheat on you.
By the sounds of it, she is unsure about you, not sure if she wants to settle yet (because she is still flirting, or whatever with other guys). If this is the beginning of the relationship what will it be like many years later.
I personally think when you accept a proposal from someone, you are sure you want to marry that person and you are don looking. You are ready to live your life with them and through all the ups and downs you work them out but in the end communication, trust, understanding and love will get people trough almost anything.
My understanding from your question and situation is that you want to be with her, but she is still unsure about you. I read your comments like she still wants to "shop around" which should not be the situation.
Hope this helps you, and I wish you the best!
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