A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Quick background: I am 29 years old, my fiancee has just turned 30 and we have been together for 3.5 years. I proposed to her after 2 years, and it's only in the last year that things have gone wrong. For various reasons that we have now discussed at length, we drifted apart and it got to the point where she decided to take some time apart. It's now been 4 weeks and we have met up twice in that time to discuss progress etc. Now here's the part I need help with. We agreed at the outset that this was time apart to get our heads together and gain some perspective on the relationship. In no way was this a "break" in which we could see other people. So last night we met up to discuss how to start repairing our relationship, and I learned in that meeting that she slept with a guy from work last week. It's a guy I've met (which makes it worse actually), and who I know has had a crush on her for a while (I sensed it when I met him). It was a drunken one-night stand, he took advantage of her when she felt lonely and low, and she seems to think we can move on from it, but of course has left the decision in my hands. Long story short - I can forgive her for sleeping with him. We had problems with our sex life for weeks before she moved out, and her self-esteem was through the floor, so it's easy to see how he could take advantage of that and why, under the influence of alcohol, she would end up in bed with him. But I just don't know if I'll get over this. I know time's a healer and everything, but the thing that bothers me the most is that this guy works with her, so she will be seeing him every day. She has offered to leave the job, but it's her dream job and she will only end up resenting me for it in the end, once the guilt has faded (if it does). What the hell do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): How would you have felt about this if she had done it without it being during the relationship break?
If you both fully understood and agreed that it was never that level of a "breakup," then I don't see the difference. It sounds a lot closer to straightforward cheating to me. Marriages have their periods of ups & downs and low self-esteem too.
A
male
reader, douggo  +, writes (12 March 2009):
Sorry mate but you should leave her. I dont think she can be trusted after that. It also happened to me in a similar situation and we never got back together, although we were married. As you say, time does heal, I'm completely over it now and am happy with my life. If you do happen to stay with her, make sure she leaves her job, if its her dream job, then she should have thought of that before she cheated on you with a guy from work. Hope this helps.
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