A
male
age
30-35,
*ntwone fisher
writes:this is continuing on from this dilema:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-wont-chat-to-me.htmlmy fiance finally spoke to after abit of grovelling. the first thing she said was "your a twat" then she said "i shouldnt have asked you in the first place, was stupid of me, because you would probably travel to see me, if i lived in another country", to which i replied "i'd do anything for you, id travel around the world to meet you", then she said "you dont make a effort for me, and that makes me think that you dont care about me and that im not important to you. you make me feel unimportant, and you never say romantic stuff to me, which is what you do in relationships, your problem is you dont bother". i didnt say much to that but then she said "your loving though, not by what you say but by your actions, your helpful and sweet, things like holding the shopping bags, holding my hand bag when i try shoes on, buying me shoes that i wouldnt ask you to buy me, by not being romantic your being an asshole"my question is... how do i show her i can be romantic and show that she means alot to me, that shes wanted by someone etc.
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female
reader, Anrawel +, writes (9 August 2010):
She is not listening to you. From what you say, you do say things to her that show how much you care. You also buy her things and help her, and are attentive even when she's shopping. I don't know what else has happened in your relationship but from just this information, she takes your loving actions for granted as part of your nature, and then wants more.
But by praising what you do, she's showing she wants the relationship to work.
Two options occur to me: move on and find someone who notices and appreciates you more, and doesn't criticise you like that without thinking about what you have done first;
Or follow the traditions of romance. If those are her words, it suggests she just needs to think her man is romantic. So:
Open doors for her ahead of her. Call her a princess.
Compliment her appearance, with and without clothes.
Get her flowers - cut first time then maybe a pot plant so if she neglects it she can be the one to feel guilty
Tell her you love her every day either verbally or with a little note or in cake icing, fridge magnets etc
Write her love letters, once a week or month should be enough. Short is better than practical, leave practical stuff out of it.
Get candles, make her dinner and light candles
Buy her or make her some little presents that you know she would like, showing how well you know her.
Ask her what she wants from sex or from a holiday and listen and act on it
Work on some skill you know will impress her, that ties in with her interests or your ability to provide a home for you both.
Talk about a home for you both or having children or a future.
Get massage oil or a massage bar and rub her back gently, or more firmly if she asks you to.
Wait patiently for her when she's late.
Is the woman worth it? Only you can decide.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 By not being romantic you're being an asshole...? I always thought that actions were much better than words, but what would I know, being an asshole and all... Firstly, does she do romantic things for you? I've found that women express romance the way that they want to be romanced. For example, some like gifts, others simply a call, a kind gesture or a little note in their bag or around the house letting them know you're thinking of them. Take note of what she does to romance you and it might help you out. Best of luck :)
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