A  ,
*elsi
writes:Female in love with female. Need some advice on why after I told my best friend that I loved her she denied it, would she continue to flirt. She refers to me as "Kimmers" just so you know. She is unhappily married and I don't need a lecture on that please. I told her how I felt and she denied she felt the same way but she is sending totally confusing messages to me. For instance on one email she signed off as follows: (I miss you more than you will ever, ever, ever, know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) here's another part of an email: (P.S. loved the other e-mail!! cute!! but not NOT AS CUTE AS KIMMERS!!!!!bye!!) I have been trying to get her and her husband to move up here and run a retirement home that I work at, it's a live in position and this is the response I got from her on that: (If anything ever happened to John, I could move to WI and you and I could be the managers, Now there is an idea!!!!!!!! We would make a great team!!!!!)So you can see where my confusion comes in. Any advice or opinions as to whether or not she does in fact feel more for me than best friens. Please help I am soooo very confused. Thank you!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 LauraE has said it all. I fully agree.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (9 July 2007):
Hi kelsi,
Yes, mixed messages. I don’t know your friend as you do, so can’t say why she is doing this. One explanation is that she is bisexual or gay and not comfortable with admitting it. I have no idea how likely this is to be the case. If she is gay, it is still not fair to lead you on if she has no intentions towards you.
The other explanation is that she is straight, but enjoys the attention that comes from being fancied by you, even though she has no intention of returning your feelings. If this is the case, then she is being selfish and cruel, because she is leading you on purely in order to get her ego massaged, in the full knowledge that she is causing pain to you. I also think that even if she is unhappily married, saying things about her husband like “if anything ever happens to John” etc, is pretty awful. How would he feel to hear that I wonder?
You should have one more honest talk with her. Ask her to explain why, if she has no feelings for you, she is flirting with you. Tell her that it is painful for you. If she tries to brush it off, remind her of the things you have quoted in your question, and ask her to explain them. If she is honest, and cares for you as much as she says, she will realise that she has been wrong and want to put it right. She might admit that she has been unwilling to admit her real feelings for you in the past. If she persists in brushing it off as your misinterpretation, then you have to assume that she is just one of those selfish ‘takers’ that put their feelings and pleasures first in every situation. If so, leave her to it.
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