A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice about big age gap relationships and if they can work. I've started to see a guy 15 years younger than me, (2 week) were taking it slow and havent slept together yet. Weve spoken about quietly seeing each other to see if there is a future to build and to avoid any unnecessary problems at the start that could happen off people due to the age gap. Is anyone in a similar position ? Did it work out or did it fail ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (26 January 2020):
 Thank you. Best of luck with the relationship. I don't see any insurmountable problem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2020): OP here. Yes, were both more or less on the same wavelength with things and are very open with each other. Weve spoken about really bad times weve had prior to meeting up again things that you might not talk about maybe after a few months of being together
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 January 2020):
How is the power structure in your relationship. Can either of you safely veto a decision?
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 January 2020):
How is the power structure in your relationship. Can either of you safely veto a decision?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2020): OP again. I also look young for my age and people have automatically thought i was younger and some have even asked if i was out with my mum , i was actually with a friend who is 6 years older than me. I shall give things a go and see where life takes me. Thanks everyone
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2020): OP here. If he wants to try something with me that I've already done I would join in as its be with a different person so a different experience. With the looking at age if he was 15 and I was 30 I would never have looked at him. He doesn't act young for his age and is considerate. I have a younger outlook on life and feel more like in my 20s
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 January 2020):
My wife is almost exactly 7 months younger than me and She plays the been there done that card on me all the time.
There is a lot more to a person than age.
You are a lot closer to the 17 - 32 situation than you think you are. Those laws are all about the power structure in the relationship. How is the power structure in your relationship. Can either of you safely veto a decision? How about earning potential?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2020): OP here.I am 40 and he is 26 next month. We have known each other as distant friends few year back but got back in touch at new year, I am prepared for all the name calling from small minded people. He has a good career but I've always been one to go half and half with things. I think I'm asking on here because I had a couple of friends who were in a similar situation and it didn't work out. One wanted children and the other couldn't have them as for the other couple he treated her more like a mum. I think I'm more relaxed and not young naive trying to make a perfect easy life because we know that's impossible. We have quite a few things in common which helps but sometimes I'll for example recognise something from before he was born but he wont get 'it' that's the only time I notice the age gap
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2020): Optimistically, like any other relationship you have a 50/50 chance of success. You will have some age-related hurdles.
Let's be real! You'll have to deal with public-scrutiny; and take on judgy family-members and friends.
You can't always be defensive. You will have to be diplomatic, poised, and tactful. You can't be "visibly-jealous" when younger-women deliberately try to get his attention; they will do it to test your self-assurance. Mean-girls will be mean-girls!
Don't expect everyone to approve! People are bold these days; and they don't keep their jacked-up unwanted-opinions to themselves.
Men generally age slower than women; so, a lot depends on your self-confidence.
If you are an insecure person, or if he is flirtatious around other women; then the odds for success drops.
Then there is the matter of fiances. If he depends too much on you financially, and doesn't have his own goals and ambitions; you'll feel somewhat uneasy. He will not want people to think he's your boy-toy, or he's a gigolo. There will also come times when his male-pride will make him feel ashamed that he can't afford to give you nice things; or you're always the one footing the bill.
The problem with many relationships with wide age-gaps is the euphoria brought on by the "novelty-effect." It's cute, intriguing, flattering to your ego; and then reality sets-in.
Once you start to realize his youthfulness (boyishness), will you suddenly freak-out and want to bail?
If the relationship is built on mutual-love and trust; enjoy it as long as you can.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2020): Two weeks is too short to know if any relationship would work unless there is a clear deal breaker. So if the age gap isn’t a deal breaker (and there is no other deal breaker) then you just keep proceeding to get to know each other more.
That said... I would be cautious given the age difference. You have to be on the same page about what you want out of the relationship, the purpose of the relationship, and timelines —all things that are more difficult with such a large age gap. Find out early on about whether you’re on the same page, and if not, let it go early on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2020):
 I'm curious as to the actual ages.
If you are 40 and he is 25, it might not be as "meeh" as if you are 35 and he is 20. I know, I know the same age difference from each other, but there is a LOT more to it than just numbers.
Do I think it can work? It all depends. I personally think that SOME relationships with age gaps can work, but quite often the HUGE difference in life experience (in general) is what can make it hard in the long run.
With you being the older one, kinds would probably not be super likely. Unless you are in the LOWER end of the 30's and then, HE would be a teenager and that... I would think was a no go.
But let's consider a few things, WHAT are you looking for in a partner? What is HE looking for in a partner? What do you two share in common? would YOU (down the line) introduce him to friends and family? Would HE introduce you? If you have been out on dates (I presume) how did it feel? Where is he at in his career? Where are you? Etc. etc.
It's ONLY (I will say that again) ONLY been 2 week, you hardly know each other so ONLY really time can tell if there IS a future here or not.
The AGE difference aside, KEEP taking it slow and get to know the guy.
It's IMPOSSIBLE to tell you whether it can work or not. Some May/December relationships work, others don't and it's not always the age difference that determine that.
What is the reason you wrote in to ask about this? You have doubts?
...............................
|
