A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, i have a fiance, but i have strong feelings for his best friend, i dont know where they came from but he also said that he loves me also, how do i tell my fiance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): You don't tell your fiance. Just express him you are having second thoughts about the engagement and that "you need space". After all you are very young and is understandable you don't know what you want just yet. That's the easiest way to let him down, because you'll hurt him too much if you tell him the truth. Going for the friend behind his back immediately is something that could get you into deeper trouble because if he finds out you dumped him for his bestfriend and lied about it and that you both betrayed him he'd be more devastated. You should keep it secret for a while or hold it for a while. You have to be extremely careful to avoid an enemy for the rest of your life.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi, you might not be ready to have a fiance if you don't know how to handle these confusing feelings about being attracted to someone else. I'm not not speaking about your age here, so don't get that idea; this advice would go for anyone who is conflicted or worried about having strong feelings for someone and does not know where they come from.
Marriage is a huge commitment, and entering into it requires self-awareness and conviction that you are going into an lifelong relationship that requires work, sacrifice, humor and love. If you're not sure about all that, then maybe you might need to rethink being engaged, and get to know yourself a bit better.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (15 April 2008):
 16-17 with a fiance? And you aren't even in love with him? I'm not really understanding this. Break off the engagement obviously. Tell him you are not ready, you don't need to hurt him by telling him you have feelings for his best friend. Give it time, a lot of time, then let him know about you and his friend. I'm curious, why the engagement at 17? Do you know what a mistake it would be to marry this guy so young AND you aren't in love with him? There would definitely be a divorce in your future, no question. Think about it. There is no upside to getting married so young. Assuming you both truly did love each other, then why can't you just wait? I guess that's what I never got about young marriages. Anyways, break off the engangement. Good luck. Let me know what happened if you can.
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A
female
reader, lovingheart  +, writes (15 April 2008):
Be open and be honest is the best advice.
Just think about the consequences and be sensitive as to how you handle the situation. When it comes to matters of the heart and there's more than 2 people involved someone is going to be hurt. Quite often everyone involved gets hurt in some way.
I'd spend some time and explore your own feelings and be honest about who you really have the connection with. When you truly know who you love just tell them!
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