A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've reposted because I had no answers and I really need to know what to do before I see my bf again tonight, please help!!Ok I'm at my wits end about what to do with my bf. We've been together for 4 years and lately I've been feeling hot and cold when it comes to him.. One minute I see myself growing old with him having kids getting married, and a day later I'm wondering whether we're right for each other. We want so different things, he's happy just chilling out on the sofa all day watching tv, I want interaction, affections.. We can go for weeks where we're getting on really well, we have a laugh we talk we mess around, but to me that's all well and good but there's no physical contact, there's not cuddles and kisses. There's sex but only when we're alone and he'll come over to me when he wants it. But I have to ASK for kisses and cuddles in the meantime. He however thinks its normal to not do any of that intimate stuff. When I think now its as if were best friends and sex buddies but nothing in between.I want him to be more emotionally open with me, and he wants me to stop complaining whenever I challenge him about it. I know he loves me and I love him with all of my heart but we both have different ideas on what a relationship should be like and neither of us have it in us to change for the other. We've tried so many times before.My problem now is do I stay with someone who half the time makes me happy and who I love so much but who can't give me that little bit extra that I need? This has been the root of so many problems in the past.. I get paranoid that he doesn't love me, that he doesn't feel the same, that he doesn't want me.. Is there any way I can get past this and stay with him or is it the end of the road?? Please help..
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 As you have seen, often love is not enough. People has to be willing to work on their issues together and find a compromise , a mutually acceptable solution.
Which, apparently, neither of you is willing to do, so the relation becomes a frustrating tug of war.
4 years is a reasonably long time, and you say you have tried many times without any lasting result.
Perhaps it's really time to call it quits.
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